Last Night

So last night we were about to fall asleep, and we hear this popping noise, like someone dropping something on the floor over and over.  It was pretty loud and sounded like it was coming from the attic so I'm a little creeped out and make Spencer get up to check what it was.  So I'm laying in bed wondering if I forgot to lock the doors and I hear Spencer laughing!

We have mice.  I already knew this and had bought traps yesterday but hadn't put them out yet and apparently our friendly mice had found the bowl of dove chocolates up on top of the end table and were throwing them off the side of the table and dragging them back across the room to their home in the fireplace cracks.  Seriously?!

So beware our chocolate bowl, you may find one the mouse thought was a tasty snack :).

I guess it's just more motivation for us to get on the healthy eating kick a little early.  More on that later, but I'll just leave you with this:

Noah thought my kale leaves were so cool he ripped them up.

6 Months In

Well it's already been a few weeks since the official half a year mark, but we've been flying about the country, so I haven't had much time to sit and think.  I did write a journal entry for Noah's six month self while sitting at Starbucks but instead of him peacefully sleeping through it while I spent 45 minutes drinking a sugary latte and waiting for his six month doctor's appointment he woke up before I even had my drink in hand and spent the whole time flirting with everyone around us and grabbing at my drink and at my pen and at anything he could reach.  Thankfully he was happy, but it wasn't a very quiet environment for thinking about six months of life as his mom, or I should say six months of being his mom with him on the outside instead of on the inside.

So here goes some random thoughts on motherhood six months in.  Shannon, if you're reading this I hope this doesn't freak you out!

I think I would rather go through labor again than go through the first three months of barely sleeping again.  Granted I had a fast, "easy" labor (no it was not painless but I've heard so much worse of stories) and I had really hard go at breastfeeding and didn't even get the go ahead to let Noah sleep more than three hours at time till he was almost 5 weeks old.  Also, I've never pulled an all nighter in my life and I hate late nights, so yeah not my favorite time.

I tried cloth diapering.  I wanted to keep doing it for the environment, for the costs savings, for the cuteness factor, for the hippie factor, for the yeah I'm one of those weirdo factor.  I decided I'm too much of an efficiency person to make it work for me.  I only have to change a disposable once every four or five hours.  Noah peed through a cloth diaper and any clothes he was wearing in two hours (on a good day).  I got tired of getting pee on myself. Sorry, probably TMI :).

I thought making baby food was going to be alot of work, and I wasn't sure I was going to keep up with it.  I really like making his food!  And it's really easy.  And all it takes is very minimal (I'm talking remembering to buy produce at the grocery store which I should be doing anyway) planning.  I think that'll be something I stick with.

I may never get to sleep past 6:45 am again.  Okay maybe a bit of an exaggeration but even Noah does sleep till seven I've been waking up on my own out of habit.  Welcome to adulthood?  Only like 7 years too late haha.

One of the hardest things about being a mom so far has been a weird guilt complex I have when I leave Noah and don't miss him.  At first it was just for an hour or two but more recently it's been for bigger chunks of time or even for an overnight with the grandparents.  I mean I'm glad to see him again the next day, but I really don't miss him while he's not there.  I don't miss the constant obligations.  I don't miss the 6:30 alarm clock.  I don't miss the four hour I need feeding reminders.  But, then I feel guilty because I think man Noah is such an easy happy baby and I don't even miss him that must make me a horrible mom, or even worse just a horrible person.  My logical brain reminds me that's a ridiculous conclusion but the feeling is still there sometimes.  Also sometimes I forget I have a kid, but that's a whole different thing haha.

Spencer and I are a little afraid that someday when we have another kid (hopefully) we are going to think he/she is clinically depressed. Noah is pretty much always smiling. Really always.  Unless you want him to take a nap when a party is happening.  Then he's screaming.  But as soon as you bring him back to the party he's smiling again.  I mean I have no idea how he got that personality with Spencer and I as his parents ;).

Being a mom can be really lonely.  I listen to alot of podcasts.

Being new parents makes it hard to communicate graciously about how the new life (the new baby and your new life because of it) is driving you a little bonkers.  Okay somedays it's alot bonkers.

Mom coffee dates are like an oasis in a desert.

Running to bad pop music with Noah in my B.O.B. craiglist's find stroller makes me so much happier.

Baby smiles are amazing.

Baby giggles are even more amazing.

Babies are worth it.

Make that a baby is worth it.  I'm so not ready for number two.  Maybe someday . . .

This was not staged.

Winter is Coming

Sunset was 5:21 pm last night.  That depresses me.  I've been trying not to think about it, but every night I feel like all my creative juices get sapped right as it gets dark, and I can't think of anything to do but watch netflix or read a book or bake something sweet.  I know, I know those things sound so relaxing.  And they were pretty relaxing after a day in the office.  The problem is I spend all day with a small human that can't really interact so doing something else passive all night just makes me feel like I spend all day in solitude.  Plus I'm still trying to look decent in my pre baby wardrobe, so baking every night is out for the timing being.  Goodness, I should have labeled this post "don't read if you are on the verge of a bad mood" haha.

I have been trying to soak up as much sun as I can while it's still warm during the day.  I've been running at riverside with Noah (I made it 4 1/2 miles yesterday and only had to stop to tie my shoe!) and sitting on the porch blogging or pinteresting and driving with the windows down and walking around Utica at lunch, but then as soon as 5:00 rolls around I feel depressed.  I think it's also because alot of the things Spencer and I like to do together that we can also do with Noah were outside and now it's dark before he even gets home and unwinds from the office.  So, ready set go!! What are you favorite indoor, winter activities that don't involve eating pumpkin muffins and hot chocolate every night?!!  Don't get me wrong if you want to eat pumpkin muffins with me let me know and we'll fit it in :).

Also, this week I backed into our neighbor's trailer wheel well and put the first little scratch and dent on the back of my car.  I feel so dumb about it too.  I have a backup cam that beeps at me louder and louder as I get close to stuff and I was just so distracted from a screaming Noah and being late to a bday dinner that I didn't even hear it.  So yeah sadness.  It's really barely noticeable it's just the principle that now I messed it up.

Also, Noah's been waking up again in the middle of the night after almost three months of sleeping through the night.  And this time he's screaming bloody murder.  Multiple times a night.  And it's not because he's hungry.  I thought bad dreams, but google says that isn't till they are 3 or 4 and that it's more likely his schedule is off (thank you time change) or he's about to have a developmental leap.  So I'm going to try and be strict about his schedule for the next week (at least until we go to West Coast time for vacation and mess him up again haha) and watch for him to start walking and talking . . . okay, okay maybe crawling :).  He did learn how to knock over blocks today.  He's a good little destructive male baby already haha.  I didn't even have to show him, he just immediately knocked them over.

On a positive note I found out my car has a heated steering wheel.  Yes I know completely unnecessary and completely awesome.

Bible study today was on Justification, how our salvation is secure and no failure of ours can change that.  We are righteous before God.  Now if only I could remember that and stop freaking out about the weather!?!!!?

Let's see what else.  I'm making my first roast in the oven tonight.  I'm going to Arkansas tomorrow to hike with my sister.   We leave for San Diego in less than a week.  Noah always smiles and right now he's happily laying on his owl mat on the front porch table fully entertained by the fact that he can actually make his hands do things like open and close or grab his toes. Our gate is almost fully operational.  Now I want to watch Star Wars . . .

For the record, I'm really glad I didn't have a newborn in winter.  

Sunday Afternoon

I feel like I have a bunch of random things going through my head right now - like a bunch of mini life updates haha.

It's beautiful outside right now.  After I had a mini freak out about winter coming and spent a few days in a depressed "I hate winter funk", I realized that between 90 degree sunshine and 30 degree gloominess there are quite a few glorious fall days in Oklahoma.  Seriously guys I want to say I hate winter, but I know that's a bit extreme.  That's how I feel most days in winter though.  One bright side of this working from home/staying at home mom thing is I actually can go running at 3 in the afternoon or sit out on my porch and play with Noah at 9 am and enjoy the few hours of sunlight that do exist in winter.

Okay honestly there are a lot of bright sides to the current set up.  Let's just say working 12 hours a week is pretty ideal.  Noah and I have settled into a nice little routine.  Most days I get up and feed Noah and we lay in bed with Spencer for a bit making faces and laughing at how ridiculous Noah can be.  First thing in the morning is his most smiley, animated time (sorry Spencer I think he got his mom's morning genes haha).  Then we get dressed, I eat some breakfast and then we head off to Topeca for a latte and to show off Noah's smiley face to the baristas.  They love him so much it's ridiculous.  And yes I wasn't kidding when I said I went back to work so I could get lattes everyday :).  After that it's Noah's naptime and I sit in my little home office in the back room and work away till he starts crying.  Then it's lunch time, another nap time/work time and then it's the gym or right now running at riverside since I'm trying to soak up every last hour of nice sunshine weather I can get.  

I ran my first 5k race this weekend since having Noah!  And honestly my first 5k race since senior year of high school.  It was slow, but I didn't stop to walk and I pulled out the I love running fast genes for the last 200 or so yards and beat a bunch of the other slowpokes right at the end :).  Also, I got a free lululemon jacket for running with Spencer's work, so honestly I would have done the run for the jacket but the sense of accomplishment was nice too haha.  I'm still no where near wanting to sign up for anything longer than a 5k but even that has been a long time coming so I'm a little proud of myself in case you can't tell ;).

We're installing the gate opener finally!  Spencer can stop parking his BMW on the street every night.  And we can stop having our beat up '91 Ford F150 be the only vehicle inside our nice fence haha.

Noah is hilarious.  He's starting rolling over in his crib during the night and the last few mornings when I go into get him he's been on his stomach pushing up like he's trying to learn upward dog or cobra.  Who am I kidding, he can already do it better than me.  Dang baby flexibility haha.  He's also getting more hair.  Still no verdict on whether or not it will be curly but it still looks pretty blonde.  He's also on to sweet potatoes which he loved (first was zucchini, then green beans and next on the list is avocado).

Okay well we're off to see Spencer's poppa and then the World Series game 4!!  I think this might be the night I cave and make nachos . . .  you can't go the whole post season without a nacho night!!!

Also, two and a half weeks till San Diego! And the beach!  And the most expensive but apparently awesome zoo every.  And hopefully cute coffee shops.  And an awesome fire place in the condo I found.  And hopefully a baby that decides he can quickly adjust to west coast time either that or those cute coffee shops better open at 5 am ;).

Michigan via the iPhone

So Michigan was amazingly restful.  And beautiful. And I feel like the pictures speak for themselves - at least mostly.  In case you can't tell from the pictures, Noah was a traveling champ.  He slept through the night, flirted with everyone we saw, tolerated the pumpkin hat, was flexible with his naps, and barely cried on the airplanes.  I think Ireland is totally doable . . .

Lake Huron at sunset

Lake Huron in the sun

My lovely traveling buddies

Noah before we found him an appropriately sized hat

Sometimes this was where nap time happened

 Mackinac Island!! And Noah's first bike ride!!

An apple orchard we went to near the cabin.  I bought that giant apple for 50 cents and thought I had died and gone to heaven.

I love him.

Even when he does occasionally throw a tantrum in the car and gives me the sad eyes ;)

Pretty Big Deal

Noah is four months old as of Saturday. We've decided to keep him.  I've also decided this is officially the end of ever telling anyone how many weeks old he is.  We have graduated to half months at least ;).

I can button my skinny jeans.  I also ran a 5k on the treadmill today without stopping.  I seriously thought about stopping but then I put on my awesome MKTO pandora station and gutted through the annoying I hate running feeling that comes a little after you finish mile 2.

Just in case you were worried, my skinny jeans fitting is not the pretty big deal :).

Noah was baptized this Sunday!!!  He already was a covenant babe, but now he has an official church record showing that we know he's already a sinner and that he needs Jesus as much as his parents do and that we resolve to pray with him and for him and dedicate him to the Lord.  Oh and that the whole congregation resolves to help us raise him which is pretty amazing.  He's so loved already and he doesn't even know it.  Also swearing to pray for your baby is a little intimidating.  Good thing we have a whole lifetime to become more diligent.

We sang The Love of Christ is Rich and Free earlier in the service and it kind of blew my mind when thinking about it in the context of baptism and of setting apart our little man for Jesus, so here you go, just in case you needed a reminder of the promise that we are held in his love and always have been.

"The Love of Christ is rich and free; 

Fixed on his own eternally; 

Nor earth, nor hell can it remove; 

long as he lives his own he'll love.

His loving heart engaged to be;

Their everlasting surety;

'Twas love that took their cause in hand;

And love maintains it to the end.

Love cannot from its post withdraw;

Nor death, nor hell, nor sin, nor law;

Can turn this surety's heart away;

He'll love his own till endless day

Love has redeemed his sheep with blood;

And love will bring them save to God;

Love calls them all from death to life;

And love will finish all their strife.

He loves through every changing scene;

Nor aught from him can Zion wean;

Not all the wanderings of her heart;

Can make his love for her depart.

At death beyond the grave we'll sing;

In endless love his own shall prove;

The blazing glories of that love;

Which never shall from them remove;

Which never shall from them remove."

Also, baby suspenders are awesome.

Well, Well, Well Lookie Here

I did it.  I stopped chickening out (after lots of pep talks - you know who you are, thanks) and asked my work about doing part time from home.

And I'm starting Monday.  Nothing huge, just 10 to 15 hours a week but I am pumped!! And a little bit overwhelmed which is making me laugh because this is exactly what my ideal situation was in my head.   But, after having almost four months of a very unpredictable schedule or no schedule at all the idea of having a set schedule for a lot of the week is a bit intimidating. Who am I kidding though? I've been getting so stir crazy and basically been making up a schedule in my head so that I don't go totally insane, so I think this will be perfect.  I'm sure there will be days Noah doesn't nap when I think he's going to or when I have something else that needs to be done and I end up doing an hour at night while Spencer follows his fantasy team or watches Netflix, but I think overall it will be really, really nice. Now I just need to finish painting the dining room, so I can put everything back up on the shelves and clean off the desk in the back room so I have a spot to focus. Side perk of this part time thing: I can get a few more lattes in the month :).

I went to a morning ladies' Bible study yesterday for the first time.  I think it's going to be really good for me.  Confession: I'm really not good at being in large groups of women.  I'm getting better, but I'm so used to the man filled world of engineering that I get a little overwhelmed by forty women and hundreds of kids (only slight exaggeration) and lots of talk about babies and lactating and baking and potty training and a parking lot of SUV's and minivans.  It's a whole new world that makes me want to run and hide sometimes.  But these ladies really love Jesus and they really love each other and me and that makes it seem way less scary.  Although I did throw a little mini fit in my head when they asked us to introduce ourselves, say who our husbands are and what they do.  (Yes Alisha that was for you haha).  After that it was tell the group two small joys you have (and we were not allowed to say our husbands, our kids or reading the Bible oh how I love you Bianca).  Can you guess mine?  Spencer got them :).

Lattes: check
Power yoga: check

If I could add a third it would be opening the giant sun roof and putting my "mom car" in sport mode and blazing people, but somehow that didn't seem appropriate for Bible study ;).  Yes I still do this with Noah in the car.

Speaking of power yoga, I'm off to try my first rock and roll yoga since having the little buddy!!  Hope I don't pass out . . .  :)

Parenthood (No not the show)

So I've been thinking lately about parenthood - I know, I know so original when you have a new baby. I've been trying to figure out what is an appropriate parenting style for Spencer and I.  Okay that sounds like I've been trying to solve the world's problems in an afternoon.  Really, what I've been trying to sort through is how much do I want my kids (assuming Noah isn't the only cute little baby we decide to parent) to be along for the ride and how much do I want to adjust my life to revolve around them.  Wow my words aren't doing justice to what's in my head.  Basically, do we want to be the kind of parents who keep doing approximately what we were doing before we had kids and just bring Noah with us everywhere or do we want to be the kind of parents who decide parenthood is going to be our main thing for awhile and we're going to put our pre baby life on the back burner.  Words still not doing it justice, oh well.  

I get that there is no way to do just entirely one way or the other without having a starving, exhausted baby or ending up a depressed, divorced single parent.  I'm not really talking about the extremes right now.  But what about a random thursday night.  Do we stay home and put Noah to sleep around 7:45 pm because he now sleeps better in his own room than anywhere else and then maybe watch a movie or play cards or do a house project and just lounge around the house or do we strap Noah in the ergo and go back to our crazy paced life of social things almost every night of the week just with baby and the giant diaper bag in toe?  I guess there is a third option if you are really rich or the prince of England - bring on the full time nanny that changes all the diapers and also goes on vacations with you!!  Okay back to reality . . .  

I guess this weekend got me thinking about it because we decided to take the babe to my sister's and aunt's cabin in the middle of nowhere Arkansas.  We packed up a bunch of baby stuff and then we pretty much took Noah along for the ride. It wasn't too bad, but he also slept in till almost 9:30 this morning because the poor little guy was so exhausted from tramping around the woods all weekend long.  We just decided to strap him on while we hiked a crazy frisbee golf course at Horse Shoe Canyon while it was 90 degrees and sunny out and then later went swimming in the Buffalo river and all this was after an afternoon and night of passing him around to all of Rach's friends while we cooked a giant mexican feast and then later sat out by a bonfire under the stars. It definitely required more upfront planning than our normal pre baby weekend spur of the moment getaways, but I think I prefer that to not going anywhere.  I think.  But again, I'm still thinking about it all :).

And also I realize that maybe you can get away with taking the first kid along for the ride but by the time kid number 2 rolls around it gets a lot harder.  And maybe two is still sort of doable and that's why so many people have 2?  I'm telling you I have way too much time on my hands to think right now.

Any thoughts? Is this just a personality thing?  I don't like being home all day so my kid better not like being home all day either? I love the go, go, go so I'm going to bring my kid along for the ride? Or is it selfish to drag the little guy everywhere instead of letting him nap peacefully in his swing every afternoon?   Or is this more of a lifestyle choice that you just get to make.  Yeah for being an adult.  Sometimes it is still just so odd that I can be making these decisions for myself . . .

Oh and total fail on taking pictures for the weekend.  So much for documenting Noah's first swimming experience.  Apparently having no cell service also means I never carry my phone and don't take any pictures.  The only picture from the weekend is a hilarious picture of Noah's pacifier sitting on top of a pack of cigs.  Okay maybe that was only funny if you were there :).
 

Wednesday Afternoon Musings

Just some pretty random things floating around in my head right now.

I want to try reupholstering our dining room chairs.  Which is making me think about painting the dining room and redoing it a bit.  Which is making me remember that painting is not my strong point.  I've learned about myself I love finishing tasks more than I love having them be exactly perfect.  I warned you this was random :).

This morning I walked with another new mom friend and it was so, so gorgeous out.  I'm sorry if you aren't a high 80's kind of person, but I think it's lovely and invigorating, especially with the breeze blowing off the river.  After the walk I had an iced latte and enjoyed some more sun while Noah cooed and laughed and I talked to the coffee shop guy about how his boyfriend is an OB and whether or not that makes them want to have kids.  He said first they want to travel the world and I thought oh travel how I would love to be booking a trip to Ireland right now ;).  Sidenote (as if this could get more random): I sent a picture of Noah with his passport to my boss because I know he loves traveling and he said his daughter had gone to 20 countries with them before she went to first grade.  Umm yes please.   I actually do have 2 trips with Noah already planned but they are just stateside for now . . .

Maybe I should have labeled this post stream of conscience on a Wednesday afternoon haha.

I asked my work about doing part time from home.  This got me thinking about officially working on the back room and making it into a sunroom/office/spare bedroom.  Cue hours (okay maybe 20 minutes) looking at Pinterest and laughing about wall art like "work hard and be nice to people."

We've also been trying to actually budget.  I know fun times.  We are not so good at it, but I am a numbers person so I do think I might get used to it.  I just don't think cutting coupons is ever going to be my thing.  I do like meal planning though.  And I like gardening.  And I have all day to brainstorm about free or cheap dates, so it could work out.

And this is what happens when you have all day to yourself.  And by myself I mean with Noah, don't worry grandmas ;).

Learning to Pace Myself

First off this little guy is getting more and more entertaining and I love it.  He giggles and coos and pouts and plays with his lips and blows bubbles and pretty much is the most adorable thing ever.  Also last night he went almost nine hours without needing to eat, so yeah that's pretty awesome. I think we may have a 7 pm to 7 am sleeper on our hands if we can just get him a little chubbier so he can go that whole time without eating.  The little man is still pretty long and gangly!! 

This pace of life though is a little odd.  And to be honest I'm getting stir crazy.  And bored.  And feeling like I want to accomplish something more than making a yummy healthy dinner I found on pinterest with the 6 hours of downtime I had to kill while Noah was napping.  I knew this would come after I woke up some and he slept a little more and I started realizing that every day is essentially made up of taking care of him and maybe running an errand or getting coffee with a friend (but somehow not spending all my money for the month in the first week on lattes . . . still working on that one).

Don't get me wrong, I like running errands at 10 am on a Tuesday - so much better than 3 pm on Saturday with the rest of the world!  And I love getting coffee with the bunches of other new moms from church or grabbing lunch with a coworker who is probably wondering why this is the third lunch in a row I've been in workout gear.  Umm it's been hot and taking a shower at 11 am after running seems pointless when I'm just going to get sweaty carrying the carseat around all day.  So yes I wear my work out clothes a lot.  Although now at least I am legitimately working out and not just wearing lululemon because it's the only thing that fits ;).  But I also really like getting things done, having to do lists, finishing projects - you know all those lovely type A things.  And raising a baby well that isn't really a to do list or a project to finish, at least any time soon :).

So I've been brainstorming on some different things I could do to help me feel a little less insane and to help those long nap times enjoyable instead of just staring at the wall thinking "I know I'm lucky that he sleeps two hours at once but I have no idea what to do with myself right now." Yes I know I could pretty much sweep dog hair 24-7 but really who likes that?!  Okay maybe I need to work on liking cleaning my house.  That could really be a good skill to have :).

In the meantime while I'm brainstorming, I've been going through the filing cabinet and throwing away a ridiculous amount of paperwork we don't need anymore.  I found the letter I wrote saying I would accept the internship at Cimarex back when I was a junior in college.  You can totally tell I had just taken writing for the profession at TU and learned how to write a memo.  I'm also trying to figure out how to turn the back room into a sweet office/spare bedroom/sitting room for reading. I know it's a tiny space but I think it might be doable.

Okay time to finish cooking my fish and feed Noah his bottle and then a walk on riverside because it is 75 degrees and breezy in AUGUST. Yep yep it feels like fall and it's lovely.  Too bad their aren't pumpkin spice lattes yet . . .

And there it is . . . a bit of nostalgia

My baby is getting bigger.

He can hold a rattle now.

He giggles or at least that's what it sounds like to me.

He wiggles non stop when he's awake.

The 4 oz bottles we started feeding him with are getting exchanged for bigger ones.  If I give him only 4 oz as soon as the bottle is gone his little legs start wiggling and his face scrunches up and then comes the pathetic and yet somehow adorable whine.  So no more small bottles.

Some of his newborn clothes are no longer fitting.  Especially when I try and shove the giant cloth diapers inside of them :).

He can read short stories.  HA. Just seeing if you were paying attention or only skimming like I've gotten in the bad habit of doing lately.  I think I have a new resolution to make a habit of reading an entire blog post or an entire magazine article in one sitting (baby permitting of course) and not just stop half way through because I'm bored or I have some strange urge to aimlessly scroll through facebook looking for something cute.  How did this happen?!!!  Okay that was a tangent, this was supposed to be about my baby getting bigger.

I walked in the other morning to get him up from his nap to go to the gym and his little toes were hanging over the edge of the swing!!

And for the first time since having the little munchkin I realized I would be okay if time went a little slower.  If only you could have a precious little newborn that also slept through the night!! Goodbye dwindling population dilemmas.

Don't worry mom and dad, he's not that big yet :).  He will still be cute and tiny when you get here tomorrow!!

Stuck in the Middle

So I'm stuck somewhere between feeling really, really exhausted and being in a perpetual bad mood while at the same time feeling really blessed and thankful.

Tulsa had a crazy thunderstorm on Tuesday night.  80 mph wind gusts.  Tree limbs down everywhere. And around midnight we lost our electricity.  A super quiet and humid, sticky house does not a happy sleeping baby make or for that matter happy sleeping parents.  And so began the saga of the last three days.  On Wednesday I just sort of made due around town.  Let me just say trying to keep pumping while not having electricity is pretty miserable.  I definitely pumped in the gym handicapped bathroom while reading Self while the day care lady watched Noah.  After a quick work out (since I only had my usual hour to pump and work out and shower, which meant no shower happened) I hurried home to clean out the fridge and cart our food around town to try and save whatever we could. by stashing it in other people's fridges and freezers.  Then it was off to a lunch with coworkers that I figured why cancel, at least the restaurant is air conditioned.  Then it was off to a friend's house for an hour to feed Noah and pump.  Then it was across town to a hair cut, again I figured why cancel, they have air conditioning.  Then it was back to the friend's house for dinner and ice cream and almost falling asleep on their couch.  Then we headed to the Moore's to sleep in their air conditioning. End of day one.

I was really thankful for people who let us stash food in their fridge and for friends who let me come over just to pump and for friends who fed us dinner and for friends who let us sleep in their bedroom while they slept on the couch since we have a baby.  At the same time I was completely miserable by the time 7 am rolled around on Thursday. Noah didn't sleep well and so neither did we.  Maybe it's just that we were in the same room so I heard ever little noise but every 45 minutes or so between 3 and 7 Spencer or I was up checking on him.  Then Noah usually sleeps from 8 to 10 every morning in his swing, but since we have no power and no swing he only slept 45 minutes.  Enter a short jaunt over to Stillwater to the grandparent's house so we could be in the AC all day without having to drive all over town.  Again I was really thankful Spencer's parents live pretty close so they could hold him while I took a short nap and plus they fed me yummy Thai Cafe :).

Finally in the afternoon Spencer called to say our power was back on!!  I have never been so happy to do laundry and run the dishwasher in my life.  Noah's cloth diapers had been sitting in the house for a few days already before the power went out and they smelled awful! Even inside the supposedly odor trapping bag.  Even after washing them once they still smell nasty.  We definitely spent the night watching alot of episodes of New Girl and eating take out pizza.  Noah slept OK but still not great and then when we were getting up this morning the power went again. Just imagine me laying in bed feeling like crying while I watched the fan slow down and stop.  After throwing a major pity party I gathered all Noah's stuff in the car and a bunch of my stuff and headed to Spencer's work so I could pump in the bathroom there.  Sadness.  This is so, so tiring.  Then it was off to Topeca for a little pick me up and then to the gym.  Then I had to go get some of our food from a friend's fridge that now no longer had power either.  Again though I've been really thankful for help today.  Spencer's boss let me spend the afternoon sitting in her house, watching her cable, using her wifi, and letting Noah sleep on all the pillows in her room. Okay enough of this long saga.  Hopefully the power will be back on when Spencer heads home after work!!

  

Wednesday

I feel rather scatterbrained these days.  My head is full of so many different things it didn't used to be filled with, and I'm still trying to figure out how to keep it all straight.  So sometimes I can't figure out how to make a filtered water bottle work, or I can't get the car seat out of the car, or I forget what day it is, or I almost drive past the grocery store because I'm thinking about when's the next time I can fit in going to the gym or when's the next time Noah is supposed to eat or what day do I need to wash cloth diapers to not run out or when do I need to pump next.  Whew lots of things to keep straight that never crossed my mind before this whole motherhood thing :).

Actually though, everything is starting to settle into a routine.  Noah has started sleeping almost 8 hours in a row!!  Okay by in a row I mean we feed him at 10:30, he cries (usually) one time between three and four in the morning, but only for a few minutes so I just lay there listening and we both fall back asleep in a few minutes, and then around 5:30 or 6 he whines a little and I give him his pacifier and he sleep till almost 7!!!  I feel like a sane person again, well mostly haha.  Actually the first night he slept that long I woke up the next morning still feeling exhausted and thought, goodness I have been really sleep deprived these last two months.  After a few days though now of sleeping from 10:30ish to 6:30ish I feel so, so much better.  Everyone was right, somewhere around 8 weeks you start feeling a little like yourself again.  Hallelujah.

Now I'm just trying to figure out what is going to make sense for the little buddy and I on a day to day basis.  It's a little odd when there is nothing set in stone in your schedule to just go about making a schedule that works for you and lets you get done the things that need to get done. Currently I'm trying to figure out when it makes sense to go to the gym, when it makes sense to get groceries, what nights I can manage making dinner and what nights it's going to be a drive through kind of night.  Last night I tried to squeeze in making homemade mac and cheese between four and five because we needed to leave pretty much as soon as Spencer got home for his softball games.  Noah was having a cranky afternoon and I used too mild of cheese and making a roué from scratch is really quite hard when you have a crying baby and you are supposed to constantly stir.  So we had Arby's for dinner.  And the homemade mac and cheese that kind of tastes like blah alfredo is sitting in the fridge and I'll probably just toss it.  Oh the fun of juggling a baby and cooking :).

Also, I talked to one of the VP's from work this week.  He said they missed having me in meetings.  They miss my confrontational style haha.  It was good to know they actually miss having me there and aren't just thinking "wow why did we go out of our way to accommodate this woman who is making our life complicated."  Good thing I keep meetings entertaining ;).

Time to wake the sleeping babe and feed him some yummy milk before heading to Chipotle.  Yeah for other moms who have sleep trained their kids and have advice on how best to do it without going crazy :).

Cuteness

Okay I think my baby is pretty cute.  Still so weird to type my baby.  What the?!!  Often I just look at him and say out loud to him, to me, to the air (yes I talk to "myself" now) "where did you come from?!"  It is still so odd to me that he is a real human being.  That someday he'll be a functioning adult (hopefully haha) and be able to have conversations with me about the mysteries of life or at least about how his day was :).

Right now though we're working on establishing a predictable eating and sleeping schedule.  We were on the right track, with him sleeping (or at least not screaming constantly) from midnight to six am but then the last two nights have been craziness!!!!  He wakes up around between 1 and 3 am screaming and then again pretty much every hour after that.  What is that?! Hopefully the little munchkin is just growing and that ridiculousness will only last a few days.  Until then, bring on the iced coffee.  Iced coffee with a little milk and sugar may be my new favorite thing.  Especially since it finally feels like summer here (aka I feel like my skin is going to melt onto the leather seats ever time I get in the car, yes I know #firstworldproblems haha).

Okay but besides the ridiculous two nights we've had, he's getting to be fun (I know, I know you say getting to be?! sorry but I think screaming needy every two hour newborns are only so fun if we're being honest here.  Also I think I should have ordered a small iced coffee instead of a medium!!).  He lays on his little play mat and kicks the owl and makes funny noises and smiles and lights up when I stop folding laundry and talk to him in the annoying baby talk voice about random things like how he has two new baby friends this week and another on the way today or about how we're going to go to the gym again and drop him off with the nice lady there so momma can sweat out some of her anxiousness and take a shower in peace.  If only he knew what I was really saying to him in my ridiculous baby talk voice.  Right now I kind of feel like when you talk to the dog and call them mangy, slimy and stinky and they still lick you in the face and try and sit on your lap.

Speaking of dogs I seriously need to sweep Blitz's dog hair.  I'm off to see how much of that I can do before Noah wakes up ready to eat!!  He is such a little boy.  He chugs his bottle like he's never eaten before and when it's gotten he scrunches up his face and whines till you distract him.  This is going to be fun :). 

Oh happy baby :)

Take 2

Yesterday I started to write this long rambly post, and then I got distracted with taking care of Noah and never finished it.  Today I'm feeling a little better about it all.  Basically after over three weeks of triple feedings with Noah (breastfeeding, then bottle with formula, then pumping - which by the way takes about an hour each time and he eats every three hours so yeah not fun math) and almost six full weeks of pumping all day long there was no improvement.  I saw the lactation lady again on Monday and Noah didn't get any more milk from nursing than he had the week before or the week before that.  So we had a little heart to heart.  And then I went home and felt a combination of devastated but also relieved that at least I had some clarity finally.  I'd been praying all week that I'd go in Monday, and it'd be clear whether or not breastfeeding was going to work.  Looks like for this little buddy and me it's not going to work.  So I'm going to try and exclusively pump and see how long that seems feasible.

I feel like every possible feeling went through my head when I thought about not nursing Noah like I had wanted.  I felt relieved that the craziness of triple feeding was over, that I could have a little more time in my day not preoccupied with whether or not he was getting enough food.  I felt guilty that I felt relieved.  I felt guilty that I had been so stressed about the whole thing (which just makes the situation less likely to work).  I felt sad that I was going to miss out on the bonding of nursing.  I realized I hadn't really felt like it was a bonding experience because it had all been so crazy.  I cried thinking about not getting to nurse my baby under a tree in Ireland.  Okay I know ridiculous, but sometimes in the middle of the night when I was wondering if it was all worth it, that's what I'd daydream (night dream?) about.  I felt relieved that feeding him was only going to take five to ten minutes instead of 30 to 40.  Yes I like efficiency.  I felt guilty that I felt relieved.  Basically the whole thing was just a bit ridiculous.  And it's crazy how knowing that something is so good for your baby (that it makes your baby's IQ better, that they are less sick, that they have less allergies and stomach problems, that you should do it for a full year for it to be the most effective) and yet not being able to give it to them messes with your head.  Also I don't like feeling like a quitter.  Even though I know I wasn't really being a quitter.  The lady did tell me though that the most important thing is enjoying the initial months with your baby, so if the whole fiasco makes it to where you can't enjoy your baby it's not worth it.  I feel like already in the last two days I've enjoyed the little man more because I'm not nearly as worried about how feeding is going to go.  

By the way, this is not a plea for "you're being a good mom" comments :).
   
Okay enough on that saga.

Yesterday I went to the gym and had the nice lady in the drop in room watch Noah for an hour while I sweated and listened to Ricky's sermon from Sunday and took a shower and blew dry my hair all without having to worry about a crying baby.  Noah had a blowout in the drop in room and had on different clothes and a different blanket when I went to pick him up :).

Today I walked with Noah for an hour at riverside and spilled my latte everywhere while going over bumpy concrete. Yes I know drinking a latte while exercising is silly.  I had really missed exercising over the past seven weeks.  It helps me get rid of tension and helps me be less anxious.  Plus, it just feels really nice to sweat from something that isn't lugging around the car seat to and from Topeca or Reasors :).

Also, it was 75 degrees out this morning!!!! In July!!!  Lovely, lovely, lovely.

I got Noah and I's passport photos taken this afternoon and the copies of the marriage license came in on Monday.  New passports here we come!!!

Ange had her baby.  Beautiful Audrey.  God is good, all the time.  I think it was just especially poignant when I saw her tiny little head all covered in dark hair just like Bob's.

Noah loves to wiggle and smile and he has this noise that sounds suspiciously like laughing.  It's awesome.

I'm not sure why I did this post like bullet points haha :).

Random

Do you ever have those moments when you pray something totally random?  Like you barely even realize you're doing it and then feel a little silly?  Okay maybe it's just me but I had one of those moments yesterday.  I was headed to topeca for some caffeine and to get out of the house for a few minutes and I realized I had no change for the parking meters.  Like all I could find after scrounging around for five minutes was one dime and a bunch of pennies.  So I was trying to figure out if I should put a $1 charge on my card or just risk it and maybe get a ticket or if I should go to the ATM and get some money or just skip the coffee.  I had this fleeting prayer go through my mind, God please let there be money still on this meter.

So I got out of my car with my credit card just in case and got Noah out of the car and the meter maid was there.  So much for risking it.  But then she said oh don't worry about walking down to the meter, it's out of order.  You're good.

Seriously?  My odd prayer was answered :).  I got coffee, I didn't have to pay for parking, and I got to talk to people other than Noah in silly short phrases like look I'm eating a strawberry and now I'm washing dishes and oh look you're smiling even though I'm saying man I really wish you'd sleep longer at night I'm getting sort of annoyed . . .

Although actually last night he slept almost five hours straight.  And then I fed him for five minutes, gave him his nookie, and he slept another hour.  Maybe this sleep training thing is going to work . . .

Full Disclosure

Sometimes I try to do too many things at once.  I think my job at Cimarex was a convenient excuse for me to let this part of my personality run wild.  Okay I'm not trying to excuse it, I'm just saying multitasking like crazy and squeezing a million things into a short amount of time has it's perks when you're an engineer with deadlines that include finishing all your work while simultaneously keeping a pretty powerpoint ready at all times in case the execs show up and want to see your progress on a moments notice, okay a two hour leer jet ride from Denver notice.

Anyway last week I tried to do too many things at once.  Combined with not much sleep this didn't make for the prettiest of pictures.  I'm still weaning Noah off formula supplements, which means I'm still pumping when I can.  I think it's almost over, but it's been slow going.  I can definitely see progress but my goodness he'll be six weeks tomorrow and this has been quite the ordeal.  We decided to start sleep training Noah a few days ago.  Which means we let him cry for 15 minutes in the middle of the night to try and get him to learn to self soothe.  And not wake up every night at 3:00 am.  I also thought oh he's finally 8 lbs let's try cloth diapers.  Oh and did I mention I can't really nap in the middle of the day?  So yes by Saturday I was run pretty ragged.  Good thing Spencer has figured out when what I probably need is just a solid chunk of sleep.

So he's taking over the midnight feedings for now.  At least till we've weaned Noah off the 3 am feedings.

And we all three took a nap in our bed on Saturday.  (Noah slept in the carrier on Spencer's chest haha).

And cloth diapers are on hold for now.  It was too much.  Even though they really were pretty easy for the day and a half we used them.  I've decided once I'm officially not pumping (except for date nights and random afternoons I need a break) I'll go back to the cloth diapers, till then I'm trying to cut myself some slack.

Also, this morning I tried to get stamps to mail thank you letters.  The post office automated thing was out of order.  Go figure.  So if you are waiting on a thank you card, you'll be waiting longer ;).

Adapting

This pace of life is interesting. Everything broken down into three hour chunks (on a good day - not a day like today, a day when I'm not trying to wean Noah off bottles and I'm trying to guess if he's waking up from his naps hungry after only 45 minutes or so of sleeping or just because he heard some noise and really he would go back to sleep).  I think we're going to figure it out.  I'm figuring out how to break things down into short tasks, so I don't feel too overwhelmed if I have to stop in the middle of something to go check on Noah.  Half done projects really bug me.  Especially if they mean the kitchen table is covered in stuff!  

Now if I could just figure out how to not be walking around on eggshells when he's sleeping constantly wondering if my free time is almost up . . .  oh the joys of parenting :). Scratch that, if I could nap while he's napping that would be even more amazing.  Too bad I have never been a napper.  My brain thinks of all the things I'd rather be doing with the daylight!

My backyard is looking so colorful right now.  I finally prewashed all my cloth diapers this afternoon.  The directions say to prewash them three to five times.  I think that's a bit ridiculous.  Noah is just about big enough to fit in them!  He'll still look pretty ridiculous in them I think, but they say 8 lbs and up on the packaging and I'm down to my last pack of diapers that friends gave us pre baby, so I figure this is as good a time as ever to give it a go!  

Plus I mean look they are just so cute :)

I gave Noah a bath this afternoon and he smells so good.  Which is probably good because he's being a little whiny today and he was hungry at 1:30 am and 4:30 am last night after a string of nights where he only got up once in the middle of the night. 

Also, he rolled over this morning.  I know he's a genius baby.  I knew it.  

:)

Waking Up

Well I feel like what everyone said would happen is starting to happen.  I feel like I'm coming out of the new baby daze.  There were definite times during the last five weeks when I thought I was not going to survive (yes I know so dramatic, it's amazing what your sleep deprived and oddly hormonal brain will convince you of).  But now I feel a little like my old self again.  I'm wanting to make to do lists again (even if they are only one thing per day like today I'm paying bills, tomorrow I'm going to the bank, day after that maybe a grocery store run).  Spencer and I are both feeling a little antsy and like maybe we would like to re-enter society.  Now we just have to figure out how to do that in three hour chunks . . . either that or we might be having alot of people over for dinner while Noah sleeps in the back room. So if you want to have a dinner night or a game night at our house let us know!!

Noah is also waking up from the newborn stage.  So far it doesn't look like he's going to take that long of naps during the day, but that's okay considering he's now able to sit in his reclining chair basinet thing and just flail his arms around and make funny noises and faces while he "watches" me eat breakfast and get ready for the day.  It's pretty fun to just sit him in his queen of sheba  chair (okay inside family joke) and have him be cute while I'm also able to actually do something other than hold him and look at him and hope he doesn't start crying for some unidentifiable reason!  He is also sleeping one five to six hour chunk at night!!! Which is AMAZING.  Although now I need my body to let me sleep that long. I've been waking up a few hours into the five hour stretch convinced I already fed him and feel asleep while doing it and that he's in the bed with us even though I never feed him in the bed!!  Weird how your mind works.

Look at the little cutie!!  Oh also he's SMILING!!!  I'm starting to see how this could be rewarding ;).

P.S.  Noah had his frenulum clipped (translation: his tongue was attached too closely to the front of his mouth which was making it hard for him to get good suction while breast feeding).  We are really, really hoping and praying this will make everything easier.  And that I'll be able to stop using bottles and my pump and formula unless I just really need a break or a night away.

P.P.S We got a chess set.  Well "Noah" got one for Spencer for father's day.  We'll see how long before it causes marital issues . . . 

P.P.P.S  I love driving my mom car.  It is so awesome and makes everything a little less stressful.

P.P.P.P.S  Family and community are awesome.  So many people have made me feel loved.  And even though my little control freak self really doesn't like admitting I need help, it's been really, really nice to be taken care of for the last month. So thanks for dealing with my tired, sleep deprived, only recently not an engineer full time self.

Milestones

I turned 27 yesterday.

Spencer and I have been married five years as of this afternoon.

Noah will be one month old as of 9:25 pm tonight.

It's a bit much to process for this tired brain, but I know I am extremely blessed.  I have a wonderful, loving husband who also likes being Noah's dad and who reminds me that no one else could be better suited to be Noah's mom even though I get tired and discouraged.  I have many, many happy memories from the first five years of marriage.  It hasn't always been easy but I feel like I can honestly say it's just getting better and better.  We understand each other better and better.  It gets easier and easier to love each other without always second guessing everything.  Plus I mean we are just no longer 21 and 22 and that does wonders for enjoying married life ;).  Little Noah will definitely be a new challenge for us to work through (on? that makes him sound like a project . . .) in our marriage, but I think it will also make both of us more patient, more flexible, more loving and hopefully more creative.  It's going to take some creativity to figure out how to still have quality time and conversations together with the little munchkin along for the ride now!  But, like my mom and sister were reminding me today while I bemoaned feeling stuck between wanting a break from being Noah's mom and then feeling guilty while enjoying being away from him, it's important that I still enjoy being me in the midst of also loving Noah.  It's important that Spencer and I still nurture our marriage and it's a good thing for us to let our friends and family love us by watching Noah so we can recoop!  Good thing not all our friends and siblings have their own posses of kids yet haha!  However I would never say no to cousins or some neighborhood friends for our little guy ;). NO PRESSURE.  

He is pretty cute.  Even if he is crazy squirmy!  So much for a cute sleeping picture for his one month shot.  The lactation consultant who I saw yesterday said man this little guy has a temper after watching Noah throw a fit when he didn't get to eat immediately when he woke up from his nap hungry and I just laughed and said it's only fair.  His mom has one too ;).  And also she's ornery and doesn't like to sit still pretty much ever, so I'm pretty sure an active little guy is just what I should have expected.  Now if we could just get him to like sleep as much as much as his parents!!  Maybe that will be the month two goal ;).

Here's to month 2 of Noah's life.  And year six of marriage.  And year 28 of life.  It's going to be interesting but I'm pretty sure I'll look back and think, wow that was one amazing year.

Also, I'm now trying to convince my parents and siblings they should also come to Ireland.  Thanksgiving 2013 in Ireland! And no mom it's not pretentious to tell people you're going to Ireland for Thanksgiving.  I mean they don't even have Thanksgiving there, so no biggie.  Now I'm dreaming of fish and chips and Guinness instead of turkey and mashed potatoes.  And also of six people who could watch Noah for a night if we needed a date night haha.

Just For Fun

Well I'm on day three of pumping every two hours.  Well except for the midnight feeding which Spencer takes, so I can get at least one four hour chunk of sleep.  Enough on that though.  It doesn't really help to think about it all day long, so instead I've been trying to enjoy the little guy when he's awake and enjoy the time to organize the house and to drink lots of topeca lattes while he's zonked out. Which actually now that he's getting enough food every time we feed him, he's a pretty good sleeper!   Also, I've been enjoying lots of time hanging out with all the people that offer to come over and hold him while I pump if he's decide to not be asleep when I need him to be ;).  I've had lots of good talks in the last few days.  Granted they are a little disjointed, but still lots of catching up on conversations with people I've missed!

Here's some fun we've been having:

First real bath!  His cord fell off pretty fast but then he also had to heal from the circumcision (poor little guy!) but everything is all good to go now so we are on to real baths!  Obviously he thought it was awesome.  Oh wait maybe it was just us watching him squirm that was awesome :).

For the record, real bath number two was much more calm and he seemed to be enjoying it - until we got baby soap in his eyes haha.  You get better at this parenting thing right? :)

First trip to topeca!  Haha yeah right, that was like on day two, or whatever day I was capable of moving from the couch to the car and from the car to the counter at topeca and back again.  I've pretty much been every day still.  I guess the bad habit of buying 4 dollar lattes every day is going to have to wait to be broken until after I'm back to sleeping more than three hours at a time!  He doesn't  seem to mind being there :).  And plus the baristas all think he is the most awesome thing ever and keep telling me over and over how much cuter he is than most newborns.  Even if they are just being nice it makes my day :).  Oh yes, and my awesome hair is compliments of Rachael.  I swear for four days straight she just held and fed Noah and did my hair over and over while we watched Project Runway and talked.  It was amazing.

Tummy time!  Plus latte of course.  For the record the two seconds before this he was happy as could be and then he tried to move and realized his head was too heavy.  Enter the face he's making below.  I know being a baby is such hard work!!

And last but not least, we've been spending plenty of time getting licked by Blitzy.  On the toes, on the arm, on the top of the head and yes at least once on the face.  It was bound to happen sometime right?!

Also, family and friends are awesome.  I've been so blessed by all the people that have stopped by to help or just to talk or brought us food or sent me texts saying they were praying for my milk (lovely that now my body is a topic of prayers haha) or called me just to check in or gone to lunch with me and dealt with my scatterbrainedness or my bailing last minute because I couldn't get Noah fed and myself pumped and out the door in a reasonable amount of time.  I've felt really loved.  I also feel like I have no idea where the last four weeks have gone.  Really?!! He'll be a month on Thursday.

Also, we'll have been married five years on Thursday.  Which I've decided that trumps Noah being a month old.  I mean I like him and I'm sure I'll take a cute pinterest inspired one month picture of him, but being married to Spencer five years?!! That takes the icing on the cake.  Or whatever that saying is. Like I said, thanks for dealing with my brain not working that well.

Also, The Happiest Baby on the Block is a pretty good book.  If you are in a crunch just skip to the appendices and read the top ten pieces of advice for parents.  It really helped me feel less crazy.  Here's some excerpts just for fun :)

"If you're a person who enjoyed being organized, on time, and having a spotless house, this new flexibility may require practice - and deep breathing.  But you may as well take it all with a sense of humor because the time has come when your milk will gush down the front of your favorite blouse and when your little darling will empty her diaper on your white sofa!  If you can throw away your to do list for a few months.  Accept that the clock on the wall has been temporarily transformed from a time management tool to a decoration."

And my favorite paragraph considering I've been feeling like everyone else likes Noah more than I do.  I know, I know I'm the one who's feeding him and changing his diaper and not sleeping, but still everyone else oohs and aws and I think you sure are cute but man you are a lot of work!!

"Another expectation that may not immediately materialize is loving your baby the moment you see her.  of course, many parents do fall instantly in love with their new infant; however one of the little told truths about becoming a parent is that many new moms and dads don't feel smitten right away.  It makes sense that falling in love might take a little time.  After all, few of us experience love at first sight.  Don't worry like the song says, 'You can't hurry love.'"

And on that note, time to heat up a bottle.  I've figured out if I can preemptively have the bottle ready when the three hour nap time is up everything goes so much smoother.  No trying to open the bottle, pour in formula, heat it up and bounce a screaming baby all at one time.  I'm learning!! :)

Oh The Irony

I'm finding something funny right now - okay let's be honest, not much is really funny right now - let's call it ironic.  I spent so much time prepping for having Noah, for the labor process.  I read all about natural childbirth, watched movies on it, interviewed a midwife, prayed about it, read more, went to prenatal yoga for almost 20 weeks straight, went to normal power yoga to stay in shape, took six weeks (should have been seven, but we had Noah on the night of the seven class!) of childbirth classes and the whole labor process took less than five hours.  I was sort of like crew all over again.  Literally 100's of hours of training for every one minute in a race on the water.

Noah enters the world.  He needs to eat.  Enter breastfeeding. I had read a few pamphlets on it, heard people tell me how hard it was, had one childbirth class where we talked all about the benefits of it, and that was it.  I decided it was the route I wanted to go.  I thought, okay maybe he'll have latching on issues but I'll have someone show me how to fix it and we'll be good.  It'll be hard at first because it'll be every three hours but we'll make it.  Wow.  Talk about being underprepared.  At least mentally underprepared.  Someone should have you take twenty weeks of class on mentally preparing for feeding your baby.  Seriously it is so draining.  I'm having milk production issues which means no matter how much I feed Noah he doesn't get enough milk from me.  We're working on it but it is hard.  And demoralizing.  And gives me a major guilt trip.  Good thing I have so many people surrounding me who are encouraging and who are constantly reminding me I'm a great mom to Noah even if my body is slow to figure things out.  So we're on a regiment to try and fix the problem.  It's a good thing Noah is such a cutie :).  That plus visions of going to Ireland without a breast pump and without bottles are keeping me going haha.

Yes I want to go to Ireland with him and Spencer. We'll see if it happens.  So far though I'm getting on the paperwork!  Noah's birth certificate: check!  Social Security number: check!  Well the card is in the mail so almost check.  Next on the list is getting a certified copy of our marriage license, so I can update my passport (yes, yes I know five years later is a little late to be changing my name but no one cares what name you travel under and changing it costs money!).  After that it's new passports for Noah and I and then deciding if flying across the ocean with a little man is really a good idea . . . TBD.  I'll let you know what we decide :).