6 Months In

Well it's already been a few weeks since the official half a year mark, but we've been flying about the country, so I haven't had much time to sit and think.  I did write a journal entry for Noah's six month self while sitting at Starbucks but instead of him peacefully sleeping through it while I spent 45 minutes drinking a sugary latte and waiting for his six month doctor's appointment he woke up before I even had my drink in hand and spent the whole time flirting with everyone around us and grabbing at my drink and at my pen and at anything he could reach.  Thankfully he was happy, but it wasn't a very quiet environment for thinking about six months of life as his mom, or I should say six months of being his mom with him on the outside instead of on the inside.

So here goes some random thoughts on motherhood six months in.  Shannon, if you're reading this I hope this doesn't freak you out!

I think I would rather go through labor again than go through the first three months of barely sleeping again.  Granted I had a fast, "easy" labor (no it was not painless but I've heard so much worse of stories) and I had really hard go at breastfeeding and didn't even get the go ahead to let Noah sleep more than three hours at time till he was almost 5 weeks old.  Also, I've never pulled an all nighter in my life and I hate late nights, so yeah not my favorite time.

I tried cloth diapering.  I wanted to keep doing it for the environment, for the costs savings, for the cuteness factor, for the hippie factor, for the yeah I'm one of those weirdo factor.  I decided I'm too much of an efficiency person to make it work for me.  I only have to change a disposable once every four or five hours.  Noah peed through a cloth diaper and any clothes he was wearing in two hours (on a good day).  I got tired of getting pee on myself. Sorry, probably TMI :).

I thought making baby food was going to be alot of work, and I wasn't sure I was going to keep up with it.  I really like making his food!  And it's really easy.  And all it takes is very minimal (I'm talking remembering to buy produce at the grocery store which I should be doing anyway) planning.  I think that'll be something I stick with.

I may never get to sleep past 6:45 am again.  Okay maybe a bit of an exaggeration but even Noah does sleep till seven I've been waking up on my own out of habit.  Welcome to adulthood?  Only like 7 years too late haha.

One of the hardest things about being a mom so far has been a weird guilt complex I have when I leave Noah and don't miss him.  At first it was just for an hour or two but more recently it's been for bigger chunks of time or even for an overnight with the grandparents.  I mean I'm glad to see him again the next day, but I really don't miss him while he's not there.  I don't miss the constant obligations.  I don't miss the 6:30 alarm clock.  I don't miss the four hour I need feeding reminders.  But, then I feel guilty because I think man Noah is such an easy happy baby and I don't even miss him that must make me a horrible mom, or even worse just a horrible person.  My logical brain reminds me that's a ridiculous conclusion but the feeling is still there sometimes.  Also sometimes I forget I have a kid, but that's a whole different thing haha.

Spencer and I are a little afraid that someday when we have another kid (hopefully) we are going to think he/she is clinically depressed. Noah is pretty much always smiling. Really always.  Unless you want him to take a nap when a party is happening.  Then he's screaming.  But as soon as you bring him back to the party he's smiling again.  I mean I have no idea how he got that personality with Spencer and I as his parents ;).

Being a mom can be really lonely.  I listen to alot of podcasts.

Being new parents makes it hard to communicate graciously about how the new life (the new baby and your new life because of it) is driving you a little bonkers.  Okay somedays it's alot bonkers.

Mom coffee dates are like an oasis in a desert.

Running to bad pop music with Noah in my B.O.B. craiglist's find stroller makes me so much happier.

Baby smiles are amazing.

Baby giggles are even more amazing.

Babies are worth it.

Make that a baby is worth it.  I'm so not ready for number two.  Maybe someday . . .

This was not staged.

Winter is Coming

Sunset was 5:21 pm last night.  That depresses me.  I've been trying not to think about it, but every night I feel like all my creative juices get sapped right as it gets dark, and I can't think of anything to do but watch netflix or read a book or bake something sweet.  I know, I know those things sound so relaxing.  And they were pretty relaxing after a day in the office.  The problem is I spend all day with a small human that can't really interact so doing something else passive all night just makes me feel like I spend all day in solitude.  Plus I'm still trying to look decent in my pre baby wardrobe, so baking every night is out for the timing being.  Goodness, I should have labeled this post "don't read if you are on the verge of a bad mood" haha.

I have been trying to soak up as much sun as I can while it's still warm during the day.  I've been running at riverside with Noah (I made it 4 1/2 miles yesterday and only had to stop to tie my shoe!) and sitting on the porch blogging or pinteresting and driving with the windows down and walking around Utica at lunch, but then as soon as 5:00 rolls around I feel depressed.  I think it's also because alot of the things Spencer and I like to do together that we can also do with Noah were outside and now it's dark before he even gets home and unwinds from the office.  So, ready set go!! What are you favorite indoor, winter activities that don't involve eating pumpkin muffins and hot chocolate every night?!!  Don't get me wrong if you want to eat pumpkin muffins with me let me know and we'll fit it in :).

Also, this week I backed into our neighbor's trailer wheel well and put the first little scratch and dent on the back of my car.  I feel so dumb about it too.  I have a backup cam that beeps at me louder and louder as I get close to stuff and I was just so distracted from a screaming Noah and being late to a bday dinner that I didn't even hear it.  So yeah sadness.  It's really barely noticeable it's just the principle that now I messed it up.

Also, Noah's been waking up again in the middle of the night after almost three months of sleeping through the night.  And this time he's screaming bloody murder.  Multiple times a night.  And it's not because he's hungry.  I thought bad dreams, but google says that isn't till they are 3 or 4 and that it's more likely his schedule is off (thank you time change) or he's about to have a developmental leap.  So I'm going to try and be strict about his schedule for the next week (at least until we go to West Coast time for vacation and mess him up again haha) and watch for him to start walking and talking . . . okay, okay maybe crawling :).  He did learn how to knock over blocks today.  He's a good little destructive male baby already haha.  I didn't even have to show him, he just immediately knocked them over.

On a positive note I found out my car has a heated steering wheel.  Yes I know completely unnecessary and completely awesome.

Bible study today was on Justification, how our salvation is secure and no failure of ours can change that.  We are righteous before God.  Now if only I could remember that and stop freaking out about the weather!?!!!?

Let's see what else.  I'm making my first roast in the oven tonight.  I'm going to Arkansas tomorrow to hike with my sister.   We leave for San Diego in less than a week.  Noah always smiles and right now he's happily laying on his owl mat on the front porch table fully entertained by the fact that he can actually make his hands do things like open and close or grab his toes. Our gate is almost fully operational.  Now I want to watch Star Wars . . .

For the record, I'm really glad I didn't have a newborn in winter.