Wednesday, July 31, 2013

And there it is . . . a bit of nostalgia

My baby is getting bigger.

He can hold a rattle now.

He giggles or at least that's what it sounds like to me.

He wiggles non stop when he's awake.

The 4 oz bottles we started feeding him with are getting exchanged for bigger ones.  If I give him only 4 oz as soon as the bottle is gone his little legs start wiggling and his face scrunches up and then comes the pathetic and yet somehow adorable whine.  So no more small bottles.

Some of his newborn clothes are no longer fitting.  Especially when I try and shove the giant cloth diapers inside of them :).

He can read short stories.  HA. Just seeing if you were paying attention or only skimming like I've gotten in the bad habit of doing lately.  I think I have a new resolution to make a habit of reading an entire blog post or an entire magazine article in one sitting (baby permitting of course) and not just stop half way through because I'm bored or I have some strange urge to aimlessly scroll through facebook looking for something cute.  How did this happen?!!!  Okay that was a tangent, this was supposed to be about my baby getting bigger.

I walked in the other morning to get him up from his nap to go to the gym and his little toes were hanging over the edge of the swing!!

And for the first time since having the little munchkin I realized I would be okay if time went a little slower.  If only you could have a precious little newborn that also slept through the night!! Goodbye dwindling population dilemmas.

Don't worry mom and dad, he's not that big yet :).  He will still be cute and tiny when you get here tomorrow!!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Stuck in the Middle

So I'm stuck somewhere between feeling really, really exhausted and being in a perpetual bad mood while at the same time feeling really blessed and thankful.

Tulsa had a crazy thunderstorm on Tuesday night.  80 mph wind gusts.  Tree limbs down everywhere. And around midnight we lost our electricity.  A super quiet and humid, sticky house does not a happy sleeping baby make or for that matter happy sleeping parents.  And so began the saga of the last three days.  On Wednesday I just sort of made due around town.  Let me just say trying to keep pumping while not having electricity is pretty miserable.  I definitely pumped in the gym handicapped bathroom while reading Self while the day care lady watched Noah.  After a quick work out (since I only had my usual hour to pump and work out and shower, which meant no shower happened) I hurried home to clean out the fridge and cart our food around town to try and save whatever we could. by stashing it in other people's fridges and freezers.  Then it was off to a lunch with coworkers that I figured why cancel, at least the restaurant is air conditioned.  Then it was off to a friend's house for an hour to feed Noah and pump.  Then it was across town to a hair cut, again I figured why cancel, they have air conditioning.  Then it was back to the friend's house for dinner and ice cream and almost falling asleep on their couch.  Then we headed to the Moore's to sleep in their air conditioning. End of day one.

I was really thankful for people who let us stash food in their fridge and for friends who let me come over just to pump and for friends who fed us dinner and for friends who let us sleep in their bedroom while they slept on the couch since we have a baby.  At the same time I was completely miserable by the time 7 am rolled around on Thursday. Noah didn't sleep well and so neither did we.  Maybe it's just that we were in the same room so I heard ever little noise but every 45 minutes or so between 3 and 7 Spencer or I was up checking on him.  Then Noah usually sleeps from 8 to 10 every morning in his swing, but since we have no power and no swing he only slept 45 minutes.  Enter a short jaunt over to Stillwater to the grandparent's house so we could be in the AC all day without having to drive all over town.  Again I was really thankful Spencer's parents live pretty close so they could hold him while I took a short nap and plus they fed me yummy Thai Cafe :).

Finally in the afternoon Spencer called to say our power was back on!!  I have never been so happy to do laundry and run the dishwasher in my life.  Noah's cloth diapers had been sitting in the house for a few days already before the power went out and they smelled awful! Even inside the supposedly odor trapping bag.  Even after washing them once they still smell nasty.  We definitely spent the night watching alot of episodes of New Girl and eating take out pizza.  Noah slept OK but still not great and then when we were getting up this morning the power went again. Just imagine me laying in bed feeling like crying while I watched the fan slow down and stop.  After throwing a major pity party I gathered all Noah's stuff in the car and a bunch of my stuff and headed to Spencer's work so I could pump in the bathroom there.  Sadness.  This is so, so tiring.  Then it was off to Topeca for a little pick me up and then to the gym.  Then I had to go get some of our food from a friend's fridge that now no longer had power either.  Again though I've been really thankful for help today.  Spencer's boss let me spend the afternoon sitting in her house, watching her cable, using her wifi, and letting Noah sleep on all the pillows in her room. Okay enough of this long saga.  Hopefully the power will be back on when Spencer heads home after work!!


Wednesday, July 17, 2013


I feel rather scatterbrained these days.  My head is full of so many different things it didn't used to be filled with, and I'm still trying to figure out how to keep it all straight.  So sometimes I can't figure out how to make a filtered water bottle work, or I can't get the car seat out of the car, or I forget what day it is, or I almost drive past the grocery store because I'm thinking about when's the next time I can fit in going to the gym or when's the next time Noah is supposed to eat or what day do I need to wash cloth diapers to not run out or when do I need to pump next.  Whew lots of things to keep straight that never crossed my mind before this whole motherhood thing :).

Actually though, everything is starting to settle into a routine.  Noah has started sleeping almost 8 hours in a row!!  Okay by in a row I mean we feed him at 10:30, he cries (usually) one time between three and four in the morning, but only for a few minutes so I just lay there listening and we both fall back asleep in a few minutes, and then around 5:30 or 6 he whines a little and I give him his pacifier and he sleep till almost 7!!!  I feel like a sane person again, well mostly haha.  Actually the first night he slept that long I woke up the next morning still feeling exhausted and thought, goodness I have been really sleep deprived these last two months.  After a few days though now of sleeping from 10:30ish to 6:30ish I feel so, so much better.  Everyone was right, somewhere around 8 weeks you start feeling a little like yourself again.  Hallelujah.

Now I'm just trying to figure out what is going to make sense for the little buddy and I on a day to day basis.  It's a little odd when there is nothing set in stone in your schedule to just go about making a schedule that works for you and lets you get done the things that need to get done. Currently I'm trying to figure out when it makes sense to go to the gym, when it makes sense to get groceries, what nights I can manage making dinner and what nights it's going to be a drive through kind of night.  Last night I tried to squeeze in making homemade mac and cheese between four and five because we needed to leave pretty much as soon as Spencer got home for his softball games.  Noah was having a cranky afternoon and I used too mild of cheese and making a rouĂ© from scratch is really quite hard when you have a crying baby and you are supposed to constantly stir.  So we had Arby's for dinner.  And the homemade mac and cheese that kind of tastes like blah alfredo is sitting in the fridge and I'll probably just toss it.  Oh the fun of juggling a baby and cooking :).

Also, I talked to one of the VP's from work this week.  He said they missed having me in meetings.  They miss my confrontational style haha.  It was good to know they actually miss having me there and aren't just thinking "wow why did we go out of our way to accommodate this woman who is making our life complicated."  Good thing I keep meetings entertaining ;).

Time to wake the sleeping babe and feed him some yummy milk before heading to Chipotle.  Yeah for other moms who have sleep trained their kids and have advice on how best to do it without going crazy :).

Tuesday, July 9, 2013


Okay I think my baby is pretty cute.  Still so weird to type my baby.  What the?!!  Often I just look at him and say out loud to him, to me, to the air (yes I talk to "myself" now) "where did you come from?!"  It is still so odd to me that he is a real human being.  That someday he'll be a functioning adult (hopefully haha) and be able to have conversations with me about the mysteries of life or at least about how his day was :).

Right now though we're working on establishing a predictable eating and sleeping schedule.  We were on the right track, with him sleeping (or at least not screaming constantly) from midnight to six am but then the last two nights have been craziness!!!!  He wakes up around between 1 and 3 am screaming and then again pretty much every hour after that.  What is that?! Hopefully the little munchkin is just growing and that ridiculousness will only last a few days.  Until then, bring on the iced coffee.  Iced coffee with a little milk and sugar may be my new favorite thing.  Especially since it finally feels like summer here (aka I feel like my skin is going to melt onto the leather seats ever time I get in the car, yes I know #firstworldproblems haha).

Okay but besides the ridiculous two nights we've had, he's getting to be fun (I know, I know you say getting to be?! sorry but I think screaming needy every two hour newborns are only so fun if we're being honest here.  Also I think I should have ordered a small iced coffee instead of a medium!!).  He lays on his little play mat and kicks the owl and makes funny noises and smiles and lights up when I stop folding laundry and talk to him in the annoying baby talk voice about random things like how he has two new baby friends this week and another on the way today or about how we're going to go to the gym again and drop him off with the nice lady there so momma can sweat out some of her anxiousness and take a shower in peace.  If only he knew what I was really saying to him in my ridiculous baby talk voice.  Right now I kind of feel like when you talk to the dog and call them mangy, slimy and stinky and they still lick you in the face and try and sit on your lap.

Speaking of dogs I seriously need to sweep Blitz's dog hair.  I'm off to see how much of that I can do before Noah wakes up ready to eat!!  He is such a little boy.  He chugs his bottle like he's never eaten before and when it's gotten he scrunches up his face and whines till you distract him.  This is going to be fun :). 

Oh happy baby :)

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Take 2

Yesterday I started to write this long rambly post, and then I got distracted with taking care of Noah and never finished it.  Today I'm feeling a little better about it all.  Basically after over three weeks of triple feedings with Noah (breastfeeding, then bottle with formula, then pumping - which by the way takes about an hour each time and he eats every three hours so yeah not fun math) and almost six full weeks of pumping all day long there was no improvement.  I saw the lactation lady again on Monday and Noah didn't get any more milk from nursing than he had the week before or the week before that.  So we had a little heart to heart.  And then I went home and felt a combination of devastated but also relieved that at least I had some clarity finally.  I'd been praying all week that I'd go in Monday, and it'd be clear whether or not breastfeeding was going to work.  Looks like for this little buddy and me it's not going to work.  So I'm going to try and exclusively pump and see how long that seems feasible.

I feel like every possible feeling went through my head when I thought about not nursing Noah like I had wanted.  I felt relieved that the craziness of triple feeding was over, that I could have a little more time in my day not preoccupied with whether or not he was getting enough food.  I felt guilty that I felt relieved.  I felt guilty that I had been so stressed about the whole thing (which just makes the situation less likely to work).  I felt sad that I was going to miss out on the bonding of nursing.  I realized I hadn't really felt like it was a bonding experience because it had all been so crazy.  I cried thinking about not getting to nurse my baby under a tree in Ireland.  Okay I know ridiculous, but sometimes in the middle of the night when I was wondering if it was all worth it, that's what I'd daydream (night dream?) about.  I felt relieved that feeding him was only going to take five to ten minutes instead of 30 to 40.  Yes I like efficiency.  I felt guilty that I felt relieved.  Basically the whole thing was just a bit ridiculous.  And it's crazy how knowing that something is so good for your baby (that it makes your baby's IQ better, that they are less sick, that they have less allergies and stomach problems, that you should do it for a full year for it to be the most effective) and yet not being able to give it to them messes with your head.  Also I don't like feeling like a quitter.  Even though I know I wasn't really being a quitter.  The lady did tell me though that the most important thing is enjoying the initial months with your baby, so if the whole fiasco makes it to where you can't enjoy your baby it's not worth it.  I feel like already in the last two days I've enjoyed the little man more because I'm not nearly as worried about how feeding is going to go.  

By the way, this is not a plea for "you're being a good mom" comments :).
Okay enough on that saga.

Yesterday I went to the gym and had the nice lady in the drop in room watch Noah for an hour while I sweated and listened to Ricky's sermon from Sunday and took a shower and blew dry my hair all without having to worry about a crying baby.  Noah had a blowout in the drop in room and had on different clothes and a different blanket when I went to pick him up :).

Today I walked with Noah for an hour at riverside and spilled my latte everywhere while going over bumpy concrete. Yes I know drinking a latte while exercising is silly.  I had really missed exercising over the past seven weeks.  It helps me get rid of tension and helps me be less anxious.  Plus, it just feels really nice to sweat from something that isn't lugging around the car seat to and from Topeca or Reasors :).

Also, it was 75 degrees out this morning!!!! In July!!!  Lovely, lovely, lovely.

I got Noah and I's passport photos taken this afternoon and the copies of the marriage license came in on Monday.  New passports here we come!!!

Ange had her baby.  Beautiful Audrey.  God is good, all the time.  I think it was just especially poignant when I saw her tiny little head all covered in dark hair just like Bob's.

Noah loves to wiggle and smile and he has this noise that sounds suspiciously like laughing.  It's awesome.

I'm not sure why I did this post like bullet points haha :).