Oh Well

When we were walking in the Safelite store to pay for Spencer's new windshield I dropped my iphone and finally cracked it.  Oh the irony.

Yesterday at the gym my iphone flew off the treadmill when I tried to change a song on pandora and it cracked more.

Noah woke up at 5:30 am yesterday morning and this morning.  And not just for a bottle, full out I'm awake and ready to play.

Blitz got out yesterday morning because the wind blew our gate open.  At least David found her and stood in the 10 degree weather waiting for me while I bundled up Noah and put him in his carseat.

It's too cold to run outside.  Treadmills for 4 miles are boring.

It's been one of those weeks.

But I do have good coffee at the house and lots of fresh veggies and fruit and lots of mom dates planned and Noah fell asleep in my lap while I rocked him this morning.  He's pretty cute.

The plan is to try and keep him up till 8 pm tonight so hopefully he'll sleep past six!! Fingers crossed!!!

On a Sunny Sunday Morning

So last night Spencer and I went to a 30th birthday party complete with a party bus.  It was pretty epic and full of college throwbacks.  Flip cup, cheesy too loud pop music (who am I kidding this is not throwback I knew all the words to all the songs . . .), bad western line dancing, fake bull riding, multiple party bus dances to the "baggy sweatpants and the reeboks with the straps" song oh and also a bunch of mom's (mostly of babies under 1) trying their best to not wear mom jeans and stay up past 9:30 pm.  We made it to 1 am before begging to go home.

We were going to go to church this morning, but then our neighbors decided to leave their dog chained up outside all night long while they were gone (either that or they were stoned or deaf).  We got home at 2 am from our epic party and the dog literally whined and cried until past 6 am.  At which point Spencer finally called the cops.  I don't think they actually came out but at that point we hadn't slept and we were so frustrated we didn't know what else to do.  

So now we're drinking coffee and Spencer's making cinnamon rolls and I'm reading about hiring a nanny and we're trying to not be too frustrated that our one night without Noah waking us up early (he's partying it up in Stillwater) was actually way worse than any 6:30 am wake up call he's given us in the past 5 months.

While I was reading, I found this little gem on the nannies4hire.com website and it made me think of you Shannon :).  

"Perfection is not a realistic standard to shoot for. If mom is setting the bar too high, she will frequently (if not continuously) feel guilt for failing to live up to super-woman standards. Mom will not consistently be able to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan . . . well, you know the rest . . . in sum, mom will not be able to be all things to all people at all times. Sometimes, mom will need to cut herself some slack and show herself the same forgiveness she shows her kids."

Now if only I could remember this on a daily basis.

Thanks Goodness

Noah took two normal naps yesterday.  And only fussed (not screamed) for 15 minutes before falling asleep.  And went to bed at 7:15pm and slept through the night with no crying.  This morning he went down for his morning nap with no screaming.

I feel like a new person.  Now if I could just stop the habit of eating chocolate each nap time that I started last week ;).

Game Plan

Well.  This week was not so great.  I won't subject you to the whole pity party, but basically Noah screamed for what felt like forever and we were so off our normal schedule by the end of the week that I felt like we would never get back to our normal routine.  He's learned how to pull up in his crib and basically before every nap time he screamed for 30 minutes straight while holding onto the bars in his crib and looking like he was in jail.  Oh and he also threw his toys out of the crib.  And knocked the monitor on the floor in protest.  Yeah not so fun.  It happened multiple times and some of the times he never did actually fall asleep I just couldn't handle the constant screaming and got him up to go do something distracting.  So, yeah when he was awake he had this zombie like stare on his face from being so worn out.  He pretty much fell asleep between 6:30 and 7 pm each night and slept till morning.

Poor little guy and really (more importantly?) poor me.  I felt crazy by Saturday morning.  I felt like I couldn't figure out what he needed or what the routine should even be.  I thought he needed to nap more but then he would scream so much I thought maybe he just wants to be awake.  I thought he was maybe sick but then he would crawl around and grin and be a perfect angel in the nursery or at the coffee shop.  Enter lots of mom doubt about whether or not I really knew how to be his mom or not.

Oops I said no pity party!!  So after this craziness and after a weekend of Spencer trying to give me a break so I wouldn't have to constantly be thinking about it, we made a game plan.  We bought light blocking curtains.  We're looking for a sound machine.  We hung up a curtain over the glass door between his room and my home office so he can't see me working while he's throwing a screaming fit.  I decided when he wakes up in the morning for his bottle, even if it's 6:15 (I know, I know that's not that early) I'm going to get up and actually start the day with him instead of letting him fall back asleep in bed with us and messing up the morning routine.  And, I'm going to try and get back on our normal nap time routine.  I'm going to assume (for at least this coming week) that this was just a fluke and that he actually does still need two naps not just one long one which is a more normal transition around one year to 18 months.

We'll see how it goes.

Hopefully next weekend when he goes to Gigi and Pops' for the night it'll be happy for everyone, not a "please, please take my baby so I don't go insane" kind of overnight :).

We Made It!

We survived five days without Spencer.  It wasn't too bad, but I definitely packed it full of things to keep us distracted, and I was really glad to have him back.  Having a house to yourself after 7:30 pm is not the most relaxing.  I did a get a bunch of random things crossed off my to do list though.

I think Noah is teething or at least going through a "I think naps are dumb" stage.  They have nothing on crawling apparently.  Nothing on crawling and nothing on pulling up on things?!!! How is this already happening?  One thing still on my to do list is baby proofing.  Maybe I'll do that tonight considering Noah pulled a lamp cord out of the socket yesterday before I even realized what he was looking at!!

Also, Noah and I ran a 10k at riverside yesterday.  Okay Noah kicked his feet and enjoyed the sun and tried to throw his toy off the pedestrian bridge and I ran a 10k.  1:04 and 53 seconds.  I'm kind of proud of myself.  But I figured putting that on facebook would be annoying to all the other new moms out there.  So there you go my few good friends you get to see that New Year's resolution one is checked off!  Thanks to 60 degree weather in January, a happy baby, a funny podcast, map my run telling me my splits and cute old ladies smiling at Noah along the trail, oh and thanks to my legs that God gave me that are still working.  When I got tired I had this random thankful thought, thank you God that have legs that work well enough to run.  I know, odd :).

Time to quickly eat my salad and get to work on an awesome power point and hopefully Noah sleeps longer than 30 minutes this time . . . fingers crossed!!!

Partying It Up on a Friday Night

Okay not really partying, unless you count putting Noah to sleep at 7, eating some yummy chicken and roasted veggies, chatting with Spencer about the slopes, cleaning the bathroom, sweeping the house, cleaning up the dishes, and then settling down to two and half hours of reading about the Eagle Ford shale while drinking wine and eating chocolate as partying.  So yeah not partying.  But we are making it.  Also, I enjoy reading technical papers about shales.  I know I'm weird.  I just tried to forget that it was Friday night and that I was stuck in my house with a sleeping baby and then it really wasn't that bad.  Sort of like a late night cramming for finals party in college except even better because now I get paid to study and now I can afford a glass of wine and chocolate instead of digging around for enough quarters for a cup of black coffee.  

So putting together an exersaucer should get you a gold medal.  Especially putting together an exersaucer with Noah trying to crawl onto the half built toy while Blitzy tries to lick him to death!  I only finished about half of it this afternoon, and then I couldn't find one of the leg pieces and was resigned to having to drive to the other side of town tomorrow to exchange it for one with all the pieces.  Then later tonight while I was sweeping Blitzy kept scratching under the armoire to try and get a toy that was stuck underneath and lo and behold when I got down on the ground to get her toy it turned out to the be the missing piece to the exersaucer that she had sneakily grabbed earlier in the day while I was trying to keep Noah from stabbing himself with the screwdriver I left on the floor while building the contraption. I guess cleaning is occasionally good for something other than satisfying OCD tendencies (which oddly enough when it comes to dog hair I really don't have).

Noah's been a champ the last three days.  He's been really happy, full of grins and smiles and smirks.  He's napped pretty well (especially on the drive to and from Norman!) and he's gone to bed early.  I think crawling is wearing his little self out :).  He's just so ridiculously adorable and every time he crawls over to me and grabs on my boots I about melt.  I know, I know where did the mushiness come from?! 

Okay well I better head to sleep considering babies do not understand the concept of weekends. Rach comes tomorrow though!  And we're going to do our second long run in our training program for the 10k.  And it's supposed to be 55 and sunny!  

Oh I just remembered one other funny thing.  Wednesday night after drinking a glass of wine before going to bed I had all kinds of crazy dreams.  One involved going into Noah's room in the morning, and he was out of the crib and running around!!  I had left too much stuff piled by the crib and he had somehow managed to crawl down the pile of stuff and get to the floor and then proceeded to figure out how to walk and run.  And he was no bigger than he is now so it was like a weird tiny midget baby running around haha.  Oh wine dreams.  I am getting old.  Since when is 27 old?! 

Flying Solo

Okay I guess it's not flying solo since Noah is along for the ride, but I didn't want to title my blog "Single Parenting" and freak everyone out :).  Spencer left this afternoon for a much needed guys ski trip to New Mexico.  At least I think still to New Mexico - the original destination was axed due to low snowfall.   So till Sunday evening I'm in charge of Noah all by my lonesome.  It doesn't seem like too big of a deal right now since I do stay with Noah every day of the week usually, but usually I also know that if I'm having a bad day or if Noah's been fussy or not napping or I've only gotten 15 minutes of work done at a time or haven't had time to take a shower, that Spencer will be home around 5:15 and can take a turn being on baby watch.  We'll see how it goes . . .

Today we passed the time by going to Topeca in the morning before Noah's morning nap, then going to Elotes with a work friend for lunch, then hitting up the gym after Noah's afternoon nap (yes my life pretty much revolves around his nap times, but really it's better for everyone if he consistently takes them haha), then back home for some dinner.  Noah had his peas and pears and then was still whining so I gave him two yum yum graham cracker things to chew on so I could enjoy my salad with fruit on it and my salmon, both things I only make sparingly when Spencer is home considering he doesn't really like fish and he picks the fruit off the salad and eats it separate :).  Then it was off to buy buy baby where I caved and bought a huge, bright colored, feng shui killing exersaucer because well, Noah loves them.  And he'll play in them for what seems like hours any time we are at a friend's house who has one. And I started having a mom guilt trip that I didn't get him one just because I wanted my living room to not look overrun by baby toys.  On that note, I got Spencer and I this "Q&A a day" book for Christmas where each day for a year you each answer a short prompt.  Then you repeat the questions for two more years so you have a three year journal of how your life is changing.  Cool, huh?! Sometimes they are silly like "when's the last time you laughed?" and sometimes they are deep like "who inspires you?".  Today's prompt is "What are you ready to release?".  I think I'm ready to release trying to make my house still look like no children live in it (with the exception of Noah's nursery of course!).  I think I'm ready for that . . . mostly because I'm pretty sure there is no way to keep all the baby stuff stored in nice baskets with lids all the time and why aim for something impossible?!  Maybe I'll just aim to keep our bedroom void of baby things, so that I can have one place to shut the door and feel a little organized peace.

Tomorrow we're off to Norman to see a friend and her cute little baby Thatcher who's just three weeks older than Noah.  Our goal is to teach Thatcher to crawl, oh and to not have Noah cry the whole way there or the whole way back.  I tried to get him the next size up of car seats tonight, but it was so much more expensive in Buy Buy Baby than online that I couldn't stomach it!

Okay I'm off to answer my "Q & A a day" prompt and then a little reading of In Defense of Food before I decide whether or not Blitz gets to sleep on the bed since Spencer is gone . . .

Mulling Things Over

Well.  It's 2014.

I've been trying to figure out what New Year's resolutions I want to have for 2014.  I feel like my brain goes into overdrive when I try and think about what I want to accomplish, and then I get overwhelmed by my own limitations and the fact that there are only so many hours in a day.  Add to that the fact that now we have sweet little Noah in our lives who, go figure, sometimes has his own agenda.

So here's what I have so far:

- Run a 10k.  Maybe . . . maybe a half marathon.  The 10k is on the books, so if you're looking for something to do the morning of February 15th you should probably come hold Noah and cheer while we run ;).  Rach made us a sweet training schedule to stay motivated - complete with an ab and squat challenge!!  One week down, six weeks to go.

- Eat more veggies.  So far my mom got me a sweet gourmet veggie cookbook, and I used an amazon gift card from the grandparents to get a second, a little less complicated, veggie cookbook.  Hopefully those will motivate me to try things other than roasting and sauteing with olive oil and salt.

- Help Noah love learning and love the outdoors.  This is a little vague I know, but I just love seeing his face light up when he accomplishes something new and I don't want to get too bogged down with things like laundry or dishes or picking up his toys to stop and help him learn something new.

- Take Noah to Ireland.  Hike. See the green hills for myself.  Journal under a tree.

- Figure out if I want to be a stay at home mom or a working mom.  Whew.

Beyond that I have all kinds of half way formed things in my head.  Things about being more generally healthy, less sitting on the couch, more taking hikes and walks and bike rides and picnics.  Less soda. More water.  Less time on facebook aimlessly scrolling.  Less time getting distracted by my phone when I'm with actual people trying to have a conversation.  Give away more money.  Spend more money on healthy food, less money on random crap food.  Spend more time praying, less time on pinterest.  Spend more time actually planning to accomplish goals rather than just bemoaning the fact I haven't gotten there yet.

And then I stop in the middle of this ridiculous list and feel super anxious about whether or not I can actually do all these things.  I start feeling guilty about the time I waste or about the food I eat or about how I spent too much at Whole Foods or about the time I texted a friend instead of watching Noah crawl or eat his peas and pears while at the same time trying to grin at me.  He has the best grins.

And then I think wait.  Maybe I should just make my 2014 resolution to spend more time being still.  Spend more time reminding myself that Jesus already loves me.  Even if I'm distracted, even if I feel pulled in a million directions.  Even if I feel like I may never be able to think clearly again.  Even if I feel like every conversation will forever be interrupted by Noah needing something.  Even if I drink too much caffeine and give myself anxiety.  Even if I am a crazy list maker.  He loves me.  His grace is sufficient so I don't have to be sufficient.  I don't have to be the perfect wife and mom who works 15 hours part time while also having a kid decked out all in baby gap that was all on sale and also makes healthy meals every night and also runs 5 miles a day while looking good in lululemon and also drinks only water and also has the house spotless (and looking like restoration hardware on a budget) and also reads about revitalizing the city in her spare time and invites neighbors over for meals twice a week and cooks with vegetables from her organic garden and doesn't spend too much money on groceries and never splurges at anthropologie but still manages to look cute every day and also has energy to ask Spencer about his day and encourage him about a godly work ethic and give him space to work on house projects when he needs to unwind and plans cute stay at home date nights and never gets overwhelmed by a crying baby.  And I wonder why I feel anxious.

Maybe I should add lower my expectations for myself to my resolutions list.