Whew

So we're back from vacation.  Make that vacation round 2.  I realized yesterday that I think we've only been at church a handful of Sundays in the past two months in between hiking around Ireland and taking weekend trips to Bentonville and flying off to Seattle and Vancouver for a week.  I love traveling and I love adventures but I also like sleeping in my own bed and eating food I cook, especially when it means I can eat some veggies now and then.  Something about vacation food makes me happy only for the first five minutes of eating it and then I wish I were eating from my stash of apples and peanut butter or KIND bars that I always seem to have laying around in the comforts of my own home.  Note to self: try and back better snacks next time I go on vacation.  But here's the thing, in between finishing up stuff at work, tidying up the house, making sure Noah was going to be with a responsible adult the entire time we were gone, writing out Noah's current schedule and eating habits, making sure the doctor had all the right signatures on file in case something went wrong while we were gone, grabbing our passports, and remembering to pay for the HomeAway place we were staying in Vancouver I sort of missed the part about snacks for myself to make sure I stayed happy.  Good thing Seattle and Vancouver have lots of yummy coffee shops.

I'm learning about what I like on vacations.  I've decided the less people the better.  Not the less people traveling with me, just the less people wherever we are going.  I say the more the merrier in our traveling party.  Wow I sound like I'm out of Downton Abbey.  Also I like sunshine.  And mostly outdoors things with a little reading in a coffee shop thrown in.  And staying in apartments or condos where you can cook some of your own food or at least have a stash of fruit in the fridge.  I like having a little bit of a plan but not having the days so jammed packed you can't change things if you think of something better to do.  Also I'm really attached to my latte.  Also the less times I have to move my suitcase the better.  I have never wished we did more on vacation but I have definitely wished we did less.

Also I feel permanently scatter brained right now and it stresses me out.  I feel like I have to do lists everywhere and yet when I try and remember what I'm supposed to be doing right now it escapes me.  On the trip to Vancouver I kept trying to remind myself that God doesn't expect me to have it all together.  In fact he expects the opposite so I should probably try and be more gracious to myself in light of how gracious he's been to me.  Not sure if that makes any sense.  Basically I was trying to remind myself that I just started a job again and I'm balancing a whole new set of tasks and it makes perfect sense that I haven't cancelled my YWCA membership even though I have no intention of going there now that I'm back at work (don't worry I'm switching to a new gym right by work).  It makes perfect sense that I haven't eaten as many veggies in the past month.  It makes perfect sense that I'm feeling more anxious.   It makes perfect sense we forgot to take the trash out for two weeks straight or that I have lettuce growing in my garden I haven't had time to pick.  Basically my expectations for myself are (as usual) way too high and it only adds to the stress.  So I'm trying to cut myself some slack.

On that note I'm off to watch some netflix.  And maybe eat some ice cream.

I did run in the rain today during my lunch break and it was awesome.  I jumped in some puddles and splashed water off of tree branches and probably looked like I was mentally disturbed but it made my day so much happier.

Life Lately

Well I'm three weeks into working full time, at least full time in the office.  In a lot of ways it's much easier than being home with Noah all day.  I can go to the bathroom when I want and without a small human hanging on my leg.  I can eat lunch approximately when I want to (unless I'm called into a lunch meeting which happened multiple times this week).  I have a to do list and for the most part I'm the only one determining whether or not it gets done in a timely matter.  How much I accomplish isn't dictated by Noah, it's dictated by myself with the occasional input from my boss.  I realize as I'm writing this I have a pretty autonomous job and that it wouldn't be this way at every job, but for me I do pretty much decide what I spend my time on.  Oh and I can walk to get coffee when I need a break.  And I can work out on my lunch break.  And I can leave in the morning without putting much thought into what is packed in my purse.  As long as I have my keys and my money I should be fine till five o'clock.

On the flip side it's tricky trying to squeeze the rest of my to do list into a few hours after work.  And that doesn't even include the fact that I'd like to spend time with Noah enjoying him and doing things that are enjoyable for him instead of just running a million errands.  That and I still want time with Spencer.  Thank goodness for babies that go to bed at 7:30 pm.  I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do when Noah wants to stay up till 9!!  I feel like we are adjusting pretty well though.  I try to throw in a load of laundry whenever I think about it, especially on the weekends.  We'll fold it while watching a show on netflix or amazon prime after Noah's sleeping.  We've been getting groceries on Sunday afternoons which makes for a fun little outing with Noah, and I just try and do a little picking up every night before going to bed.  Plus, Kathryn keeps the house pretty clean throughout the day anyway!  So it's really just mine and Spencer's messes we are cleaning up at night, not Noah's piles of toys.

So it might still be too early to tell, but I think this is going to work for us.  At least for the immediate future.  Noah gets to be Kathryn's little buddy for the summer and when she has PhD stuff Gigi and Pops get him, so seriously it doesn't get much better than that :).  And I get to use my brain and interact with adults and make some money and carry a purse and when I get home at the end of the day I'm excited to see Noah and hang out with him and Spencer instead of being worn down from being alone with Noah all day and wanting a break from him.

Also one other thing!! They switched our schedule to 9 hours monday through thursday with a half day on Friday!! I think it's going to be pretty awesome once I figure out how I'm ever going to cook dinner after that long of a day.  I'll get to have lunch with Noah every Friday and then spend the afternoon hanging out with him and hopefully still get to take trips to the zoo and the splashpad with other moms.  And plus it gives me a little down time when he's napping - like right now :).  I prayed during the process of thinking about coming to work that it would be really clear whether or not I was supposed to be working again in the office and so far all signs are pointing to yes.  Peace of mind is a wonderful thing.

Two Days In

So far so good.

I left for work at 7:30 am on Monday morning.  Noah didn't cry.  I didn't cry.  Kathryn wasn't crying when I got home at 5.  Noah was laughing when I got home and grinning from ear to ear.  Work is already so crazy I barely have time to look at what time it is, let alone think about missing Noah.  They know I already know how to do things, so they just starting spewing things on me left and right which is mostly okay.  I hate being bored.  And I like accomplishing concrete tasks. 

I didn't eat lunch until almost 3 pm this afternoon but that was mostly because I decided to try running at lunch and by the time I threw my hair up in a pony tail and got dressed again my hour lunch break was up.  By the time I was actually hungry and had a break in what I was working on it was somehow 3 pm.  And then it was somehow 4:45 pm and I had only gotten through one main thing on my to do list in between trips to HR to make sure I'm signed up for benefits and trips from IT to make sure my computer was set up right (they asked me if my laptop had been out on a rig ummm no but I do have a one year old and a dog and I don't make a habit of dusting my laptop) and random stops in the hallway to say hi to people I haven't seen in a year.

Tomorrow is this little man's birthday.  How did that happen?!  He's crazy.  And we love him.

And just in case you're worried the stove was pulled out and unplugged by Spencer, not by Noah.  And now it is plugged in and working again and Noah is not standing on it, he's sleeping.  Goodness what kind of parents do you think we are?! :)

We're Back!!!

We had a really good trip.  Most of the time we were glad Noah was with us.  He was really happy and smiley and looked around wide eyed at everything when we were hiking and plus I mean he looked adorable in his rain coat.  He didn't really want to sit through nice dinners with wine though.  Lesson number 1 learned: leave the nice dinners out for when you can handle a baby sitter.  Self catering cottages where you can cook your own dinner with your baby crawling around instead of throwing food across the table and knocking over your wine glasses or reaching for the knives make for a much more relaxing environment for everyone.

Just a few more of my favorite pictures from the trip.

Noah in the Glenariff forest.

Looking for fish with dad.

Standing precariously by a waterfall.

And well this was my attempt at taking an artistic picture but Noah was so active this was the best I could do :).  It was an old school post office drop box at the Bushmills' distillery.  Noah wasn't allowed to go on the actual tour because of the alcohol fumes so I watched him crawl around outside while Spencer learned all about whiskey.

So I go back to work Monday.  I'm not sure what to expect and it's just making me feel anxious.  I want it to be here so I can tackle it and figure out how to make it work instead of having to think about how things might go without really knowing what it will be like.  I've been running errands this week trying to simplify life.  Just little things like buying a drying rack for clothes so I don't have our lululemon drying on the dining room chairs for a week before I have time to put them away.  I gave away two giant bags of books and I have three more still to give away, one to Spencer's mom and two to the church library.  I decided that thinking I would reread all my RUF books was really rather pretentious.  Who am I kidding.  On vacation I read the Happiness Project  and The Book Thief and even with that light reading I still had to reread things after keeping Noah from touching the wood burning stove or changing the controls on the washer/dryer combo in the cottage kitchen.

Also I bought milk for Noah.  Real milk.  And I felt nostalgic for maybe the first time, like really nostalgic, like oh no he's not a baby any more!!  Which in most respects is totally okay with me but at the same time it's just odd to think almost a year has passed since he was born.  He's almost walking, he says momma and dadda (mostly only when he wants more food or wants to be held), he gives us hugs and clings to us when he doesn't want to go to bed or doesn't want us to leave.  He has an opinion about what food he wants and he totally knows that it's not okay to drop food off his high chair for Blitzy when he doesn't want it and does it anyway.

He is also fearless.  With new people and with new experiences which I think is amazing and also a bit overwhelming.  He's going to be the kid with a million bumps and bruises.  He climbed up on some kid furniture at the gym yesterday and promptly fell off it and got a big bruise.  I'd say they weren't watching him but he does the same thing all the time at home! And who am I kidding I don't watch him 24-7.  I let him crawl in the next room and explore and I keep cooking dinner or folding laundry or looking at facebook and texting.  Which by the way, I keep seeing these things about putting down your phone and for the most part I totally agree.  I wish I were on facebook less and involved in what's right in front of me instead but at the same time being a stay at home mom is LONELY.  And being able to text your friends and comment on their cute baby pictures makes the day go by much more pleasantly and makes you feel more human.

Wow this is a random post.  Let's see I've also been trying to go through all the piles of random junk we have and throw stuff away!!  I cleaned the medicine cabinet baskets out this morning.  I went through an end table we never use yesterday.  I cleaned out the car.  I'm planning to find a jewelry box today so our dresser isn't so out of control.  Basically I'm taking one thing from that Happiness Project book and trying to declutter so when I'm stressed about balancing work and Noah and still enjoying life I won't be staring at a pile of trash we never bothered to actually throw away.

I just tried to make cookies for community group and the oven wouldn't preheat.  Lame.  This happened once before but I can't remember how to reset it.

Okay I'm off to cross some more things off my de clutter list.  If only I could knock out my work clothes shopping with Noah but I think that'll have to wait for Saturday when Spencer can have Noah for a bit and I can try to find some office appropriate clothing.  Not buying business casual for almost two years has done a number on what I have to wear to work on Monday.

Go to Ireland.  Just do it.  It is so beautiful.  Even in the gloomy rain.

Beautiful Day

Noah decided to take a two hour nap this afternoon which he never does anymore.  And it's amazing.  I finished up my part time work yesterday (only three weeks till I'm back in the office full time!!) and we were pretty much all packed last night other than one more round of cleaning out the car and unloading the dishwasher so I've had time to pick up clutter and load the suitcases in the car and take a shower and read a chapter of my book for the plane.

And it's beautiful outside.  And this morning I drank a latte and shared a fruit cup with Noah at Topeca.  Then we planted tomatoes and a pepper and Noah got wet in the sprinkler when I was cleaning up the garden tools.  Then we dropped off a baby swing with a friend who's five days away from her due date and as I was pulling away I thought wow am I glad I don't have a newborn right now.  My memory of those sleepless nights and complete confusion and upheaval of my life is still too fresh.  Okay wait back to our beautiful day.  After that we had a picnic outside Whole Foods with another fruit cup and some delicious kale greens cakes - Noah loves them almost as much as me, I'm not even kidding!  Although to be fair he loves blueberries and blackberries way more than kale cakes.  Then we hit up the sale rack at lululemon and found a good deal on some long sleeve super comfy pullovers that will be perfect for the long plane ride :).  And I do realize a good deal is relative :).  We enjoyed a little more sunshine at Utica Square while we waited on ear infection medication just in case something goes wrong while we are over the ocean, but so far Noah seems good to go and the Dr. said he's ear drum was all healed up when we saw her on Monday.

So yes it was a lovely day and I wasn't even expecting it.  I was expecting the trip excitement to be the best part but actually we've just had quite a beautiful day enjoying the sunshine and enjoying some mommy son bonding over a couple of fruit bowls. Haha wow cue the cheesy music.  Oh wait it's already playing in the background on Spotify.  Thank you Better Than Ezra for "Crazy Lucky" even if you did rhyme "it" with "s&*%" (they bleep it out in the song . . .) and still get paid to write music.

Sprinkler baby.

Fruit bowl loving baby.

Almost There!!

We leave for Ireland tomorrow night!!!  It feels a little surreal now that it's actually happening.  I think we're ready but there's always that last minute nagging feeling that you are forgetting something.  I've been putting things on sticky notes all day.  Nothing too major, just things like grab hair bands or get Noah's PJ's out of the dryer before we leave.  Babies make your packing list so much longer!  And it's way more overwhelming thinking about forgetting something.  I'm fine if I don't have a clean shirt when I step off the plane in London but if Noah has a blowout mid flight and we're not prepared that's a different story.

But I mean look at that face- it's going to be a good trip.  We're going to hike and cook food in our cottage by the sea and drink whiskey and read and hopefully it won't rain every day.  And we'll be together for 10 days without bills to pay or a job to go to or toys to pick up.  And it'll be green.  And we'll see castles.

Now if this little mischievous man would sleep the whole flight over we'd be happy campers.  It's going to be his nighttime but as the lady at the gym told me this week, he is go go go all the time!!  He's a happy little guy but he does not like to sit still!  Good thing his Gigi got him some new toys for plane ride and I got a roll of painters tape after reading on a blog that it can entertain for hours with no mess.  Ireland here we come!!!

But not before a little Irish Apple Cake I decided to whip up to get us in the mood!

Is It Saturday Yet?!!!

So Saturday I'm headed to Dallas for a much needed girls' trip.  The kind with no agenda other than drinking margaritas, shopping, sleeping in and not carrying a diaper bag or a baby.

Today was just one of the days.  So full of ups and downs that it makes you feel a little (ok maybe alot) bipolar.  Is there another word for that, that doesn't make light of the actual condition?  Okay anyway Spencer went to St. Louis yesterday for a one day conference.  Just a one day conference and I really thought no biggie.  Until last night around 6 pm Noah started screaming when I put him in his car seat to go get pizza and a salad for sharing with a girl from church who was going to keep me company.  He kept screaming the whole time I was in the car running errands for over 45 minutes.  He screamed on the way to drop off Tara.  He screamed on the way to get pizza.  Stopped screaming only briefly while we walked in to get pizza (thank goodness).  Screamed on the way to the liquor store.  I left him screaming in the car to get a bottle of wine - don't worry I left the car running, locked the doors and the store has giant picture windows and I was literally no more than 20 ft. from the car at all times.  Screamed the whole way home. Screamed through eating his pizza (that should have been a tip off). Fussed his way through a half a bottle.  Screamed in his crib.  Slept one hour and then woke up screaming again!  I rocked him to sleep thinking shoot this tooth is a doosy and then he slept through the night.

Whew I thought okay that was crazy but we'll be okay.  So then I woke up this morning and Noah was all happy and smiley and back to his normal self.  Almost.  There was stuff coming out of his ear!!!  Like crusty gross brown stuff out of the same ear he had an ear infection in less than two weeks ago.  So I decide to call the doctor, but I have to wait till 8 for the office to open so I proceed to get ready to go to coffee with a friend and Noah is crawling around in his diaper happily.  Then I see poop on his leg (sorry should have said this post contains gross baby stuff haha).  So we have an impromptu bath at 8:15 am.  I go to get him dressed and think man the room still smells like poop!  Then I see the pile of poop on the floor.  And I'm thinking this is almost funny it's not even 8:30 in the morning yet!!!!!  Clean up the poop.  Run out the door to meet my friend.  Sit in the car outside the coffee shop and make a doctor's appointment for 10 am.

All the while I'm remembering that I have a business charity lunch I'm supposed to be at, at the nicest country club in tulsa (think yearly fees more than what most cars cost) by 11:30 am.  And I have to look country club cute whatever that means.  So I go to coffee, then run home, grab my version of country club cute and throw on my boots with heels thinking this will be one less thing to have to worry about last minute after the doctor's appointment (also Tulsa is having that crazy weather where at 8 am I want to wear Uggs and by 10 I'm sweating and wishing I had on flipflops).  So I get to the doctor's office with about seven minutes to spare.  I hurry up and grab all my stuff, walk in the door, and promptly completely wipe out from my boots with heels in front of a big picture window into the doctor's office waiting room.  Again I'm almost laughing but now also almost crying considering I almost dropped Noah in front of the doctor's office and instead slammed my knee and palm into the ground to keep from totally flailing.

We get in the exam room and Noah poops again.  I rummage through my bag and go figure I have no diapers left - I feel like I should have been on Punked!  Did anyone even watch that?! Haha.  So I find the nurse, admit I have no diaper, she's totally sweet about it and pulls one out of giant cabinet of diapers.  We finally see the doctor at 10:40 and yep he has a ruptured ear drum.  And we leave for Ireland in 16 days.  The meds take 10 days and we have already done one round that didn't work, but I didn't really have time to even think about that today.

So then I rush to Shari's, drop off Noah, change clothes, rush over to the country club, have my car valet parked (note to self don't do this when you have no cash and no idea what to tip a free valet man), and get inside just to sit down for the luncheon.  And then the speaker is a woman who was homeless.  homeless.  and then finished high school and went to Harvard.  Talk about perspective.  And all the while they are also talking women changing the world and I'm on the verge of crying from exhaustion and stress and feeling like I know in my head taking Noah to the doctor is changing his world but it's a far cry from graduating TU and getting a fancy job in an office with a view.

The afternoon was better.  Noah slept some and then we walked around the Brady District soaking up some sun and window shopping oh and picking up some veggie toppings from a downtown market for pizza tomorrow!!  I feel so hipster with my baby in an ergo picking up a few groceries from the urban market haha.  Oh and I was also carrying a barista made latte in the other hand.  Yes I can rock the ergo and a latte and groceries - that is my talent these days :).  Okay that really wasn't supposed to be tongue in cheek, it really is hard to do all those at once!  We had a nice dinner of leftover salad and pizza (me) and watermelon (Noah - who refused to eat the avocado I also put on his tray) and then I let Noah play in the kitchen while I wrote part of this blog and cleaned up dishes and laundry.

And now he's sleeping.   And I can take a shower in peace.  And work on a powerpoint in peace.  And think about how I'm happy I'm not homeless, okay really I'll be thinking about how I'm happy I'm going on a girls' trip in two days.  I can't quite handle the thankfulness for not being homeless today, maybe tomorrow.